Rage Against the Dying of the Light
by AerisFan
Summary: The Epilogue is finally back up and I've added around 5 pages to it. Enjoy! An unforseen consequence of Third Impact has all but doomed the world to a hideous destruction. Two Children must face an insane force that will ravage their souls.
1. AwakeningsStand By Me

Here is the (not very) revised and updated version of RATDOTL. I hope that you will enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Especially since it could very well be the last thing I ever write of its sort. From now on, I have a feeling I'll be sticking to little humor fics, and leave the writing to the good writers. So if you don't like this, probably the only big thing I ever write, then I guess I'm shit outta luck. Anyway, enjoy!

Rage Against the Dying of the Light/Everybody Needs Somebody

Book One

Awakenings/Stand by Me

__

When the night has come

and the land is dark,

And the moon

is the only light we'll see

No I won't be afraid.

No I won't be afraid,

Just as long as you stand,

Stand by me.

Ben E. King

"Stand By Me"

__

Mama!

Mama was here! Mama was with her!

Asuka was transported by joy, a joy unlike any she had ever felt in her life. Her mama was here protecting her, watching over her, and nothing could touch her! Her battle with the Nine was like a dream, and she spilled blood and rent flesh in a haze of euphoria. These insignificant weaklings could never stop her, not when she was with her mama!

Then something changed.

She heard the whistle of air being torn behind her, and she turned without thinking and spread her A.T. Field. The flying weapon stopped in midair, quivering. She heard Maya screaming something, but her mind was preoccupied with keeping her A.T. Field alive. The weapon stopped quivering for a second, then its metal skin began to ripple and flow, fusing together and changing until it formed into a shape she found all too familiar. "The Lance of Longinus?" she muttered, confused. Then she felt her A.T. Field tearing and giving way. She focused all her strength into the field, the rest of the Nine ignored for the moment. She pushed more and more of herself into the A.T. Field, but she was losing. Finally, with a horrible ripping sound, her A.T. field tore apart, and before she could even scream, the Lance of Longinus flew through the destroyed A.T. Field and directly into her Eva's left eye. Her world halved, and she screamed as the vision in her left eye was replaced with red, and pain beyond her worst nightmares tore into her brain. Her Eva shut down. She tugged futilely at her controls again and again with one hand as she held her other to her ruined eye, willing her Mama to come back, willing her Mama to save her. She looked up just as the first of the Nine slammed into her, pushing her deeper into the ground. Then the eight others landed all around her and she had just enough time to wonder how all nine could have possibly come back before they began to tear her apart. The pain in her eye faded to nothing as she could feel her organs being torn out and eaten. Her hands flew to the stomach she was convinced no longer existed and she screamed in agony, again and again. She felt the weight leave her suddenly, and she looked up. Her left eye flared in agony at the bright sun burning into it, but she could still see the shadows of the Nine flying above her through the haze of pain and light. She raised her right hand in defiance, reaching out towards the monsters that should have been dead. It reached higher, higher, and she knew that in a moment she would reach those hated Nine and tear them apart. She would kill them all. "Kill you. Kill you all. Kill you," she gasped out as her hand rose higher, eclipsing the heavens. Then her arm split in two. She stared dumbly at the two flaps of what had once been her arm for a second before the pain shot into her already overloaded brain. She did not have time to scream before the first was joined by a second, and a third, and then the world blacked out around her. As she faded into the darkness, she cried for her mother.

Asuka Langely Sorhyu woke up screaming, her arms racing along her body, expecting to find ruined flesh and mutilated organs. She found nothing but unblemished skin, and slowly her screams faded into sobs. Her body shook with grief and horror.

A hand went around her shoulders. She nearly screamed again, and probably would have had her throat not been too sore to emit sound. She looked up to see Shinji sitting beside her. He turned to her and smiled. Her throat finally allowed her to make words.

"Go…away. Just leave me alone, godammit. I don't need your pity." She wanted her voice to be furious, to be _strong_, but it came out as little more than a harsh, pathetic whisper.

The arm only clenched tighter.

"No you don't, Asuka. But you do need sympathy. Whatever you're going through, I can help you."

She shoved his arm away.

"What could a stupid baka like you know about anything?"

Shinji sighed and began to get up.

"You're right Asuka. I'm just a stupid baka, so I guess I'll just be leaving." His voice dripped with sarcasm.

_How could I be stupid enough to think she would want my help? _he thought to himself angrily.

She prepared to make an insulting comment about running away when the remnants of her nightmare struck her like a whirlwind. She suddenly realized she didn't want to be alone. Not tonight.

"No…" she whispered

"What did you say, Asuka? Another insult?"

"Don't leave…"

Shinji's eyes opened wide. She could see everything in them, surprise, disbelief, mistrust, compassion. He had never been able to hide his eyes as well as she had.

"Please…I'm scared…"

Shinji said the last thing in the world she had ever thought, ever _imagined_ he would.

"No."

She looked over at him, startled beyond words.

"That would be taking advantage of you. You just woke up from a nightmare, and you aren't thinking straight, not to mention what happened during Third Impact. Normally you would kill me for even thinking like that. I will not take advantage of you…"

As he said that, he realized how horribly callous it sounded. But he had no choice. His mind screamed obscenities, calling him a coward for leaving a defenseless girl all alone to stave off her nightmares. He shoved away his internal arguments and walked slowly to the other side of the camp they had built, stepping cautiously around the dying embers of their campfire, rolled into his sleeping bag, and turned away. She stared after him, then got up slowly and walked over. He had not heard her coming, and he nearly jumped out of his sleeping bag as she opened it up and slid in next to him. He turned to her, his eyes unbelieving, but she had already turned away, and he could hear her soft breathing indicating the rapid onset of sleep._ I need to leave…can't take advantage of her…like…this…_ he thought, but her warmth against his chest put him to sleep in seconds.

If someone had chanced upon their meeting place and seen them wrapped up together in a sleeping bag, their warmth stopping what nightmares would come, he would almost have believed the world was not dead.

In an endless unchanging sea of LCL, there was movement. The amber liquid rippled and twisted, as if blown by a strong wind. Then, slowly, five forms rose from the LCL, liquid given form and substance. The liquid took shape and formed five old men, their faces contorted with hate. They hung inches above the lake of red in a mockery of gravity.

"We have failed."

"Ikari has betrayed us."

"We should have killed him when we had the chance."

Then one of them spoke, his voice powerful and commanding.

"Have you all forgotten our failsafe, our last resort? We suspected that Ikari might betray us, and we planned accordingly."

"Ah, yes. The…S2 Engine modification."

"They are only two children. We will use our trump card, and with their death, Instrumentality will be completed. If they are allowed to live, our world could unravel about us. We have worked much too hard to lose now."

"Yes, but Kihl, why did you only modify one of our Evangelions? Shouldn't we have outfitted them all, just in case of emergency?"

Kihl shook his head slowly.

"It would have been unnecessary, the difficulties in maintaining more than one of the Nine would be a worthless risk, and the cost would have been…astronomical."

As one, the five old men nodded.

"Let the Instrumentality of Man be complete."

And the council dissolved back into the LCL.

In the vast ocean of LCL a monster hung, crucified. It was massive and white, a savage mockery of the human form. Its arms were spread and nailed to a gigantic cross, and the blood from the wounds ran down its dangling legs and into the sea. Its blasphemous form lay still as death. Then, slowly, one arm moved. It tore free of the nail that pinned it in a gout of blood. Unflinchingly, it reached across and tore the nail from its other hand. It fell forward into the LCL with a monstrous splash.

Hours passed, then, slowly, a head rose from the Sea of LCL and looked towards land. It raised the ruins of its hands to the light and flexed. There was a sound like the tearing of cloth and a second later the wounds closed. Bringing its attention to the task at hand, it scanned the horizon for signs of life. In the distance, it could barely see the smoke rising from the dying embers of the Children's fire. It smiled, a ghastly sight, and then it began to swim.

In life, there is mystery. What allows us to survive? What saves us when death has tightened its icy grip around our heart? There are some who believe in psychic powers, in abilities beyond our comprehension. Some believe that our lives are not our own to control, that we are die being cast by a higher power. Then, there are some who believe that what gets us through life is luck, plain and simple.

Whether it was luck, providence, or something more, something awakened Shinji Ikari in the early hours of dawn and saved his life. He came awake suddenly, his heart pounding in his chest. He could have sworn he had heard something outside their camp, something huge and horrible that was reaching for him. A nightmare, he consoled himself, just a nightmare. But he could not get back to sleep, even with Asuka's warm and gentle weight against his chest. He crawled out of his sleeping bag and looked around, shivering from the early morning chill. How he longed to crawl back into the sleeping bag and just sleep…

In the woods outside their camp, something fell over with a crash.

A choked scream escaped Shinji's lips, and he whirled around, fully expecting to see some horrible otherworldly beast reaching through the night towards him.

Another crash, closer this time.

Without thinking Shinji ran over to the sleeping bag where Asuka lay and began to shake her awake. His terror was complete, his heart slamming against his chest so hard that he felt he was going to faint. Asuka woke up slowly, her voice bleary from lack of sleep.

"Wha…What the hell are you doing baka! I'm trying to slee…trying…to…"

Her voice faltered as she saw the look of primal terror on Shinji's face.

"Shinji? Shinji, what's wrong?"

"We have to get out Asuka!" he nearly screamed. "We have to get out now! It's coming! It's coming! _God in Heaven it's coming and when it gets here it will kill us both!_"

Asuka's terror was matched only by her confusion.

"But Shinji, what's coming? Nobody's left. Or haven't you noticed?"

Her words did not carry their usual bite, diluted by their shared terror. Shinji did not answer, but began frantically packing what few things they possessed. She was about to restate her question when she heard a sound that chilled her to the bone. A low guttural roar echoed throughout the forest. It was close. Very close. Asuka stood frozen in terror, staring at the woods where that horrible roar had came from. She remembered it. But from where? Terror is not a conductive state to clear thinking, and the answer would not come. She was still paused in indecision when Shinji grabbed her by the arm and yanked her out of the clearing.

Seconds later, the white thing that was once an Evangelion tore into the clearing, ripping aside trees to reach its quarry. The clearing was empty. It roared in fury, and proceeded to tear apart the remains of the Children's campsite. In the middle of its rampage, it noticed a path of torn branches leading out of the clearing. It smiled again, but there was no mirth in it. It promised death and blood and horrors the likes of which this fragile earth had never seen. It followed the trail.

Shinji and Asuka ran, branches slapping against their faces hard enough to draw blood, but they never noticed. Behind them, they could hear the roars of the horror that chased them. Trees crashed behind them, each one closer. They burst into a clearing, nearly blinded by the sudden light. Their faces brightened in hope. Across from them was the remains of an apartment complex, and through the rubble they could see stairs leading down into the basement. The ran harder, galvanized by new hope. They were barely six feet away when the thing that was once an Evangelion burst into the clearing. They turned, slack jawed in horror as the white monstrosity lumbered towards them with deadly and horrific intent. Asuka spoke first, her voice trembling in horror.

"One of the Eva Series…"

Shinji grabbed her unmoving form and ran, nearly dragging Asuka along. He could hear her whispering something, but he was paying too much attention to the destroyed building ahead of him to catch what she was saying. He ran through the rubble as the Eva thing roared again and lunged like a cat. At the same instant, Shinji dove straight at the stairs leading into the basement. His right arm flared in sudden agony as a metal rebar tore into it, then he was tumbling into darkness, inches away from the horrific claws of the Eva Series. He turned his body to protect Asuka as he slammed hard into the ground, and he heard something crack. He was turned so that he looked straight up into the horrible face of the Eva Series. Its face was split by a smile that chilled Shinji's soul and froze him into place as the monstrosity reached into the stairwell towards them. Death reached for him, and he froze like a deer in headlights.

Asuka saved him. "MAMA!" she screamed, and jolted Shinji out of the fatal hypnosis he was under. He slid backwards as the clawed hand slammed into the ground in front of him. His back fetched up hard against a door, and he turned, ripped it open, and ducked inside before the questing hand could reach him. He slammed the door seconds before something huge smashed into it. The door cracked, and Shinji realized immediately that it would never hold the Eva for more than a few seconds. He stumbled to his feet, pulling Asuka up with him. He tried to walk, but stumbled, weak from loss of blood. With the monster out of sight, Asuka was recovering from her shock, and without thinking she put an arm around his shoulder and helped him across the room and towards another door. They reached it just as a white fist slammed through and into the room. She screamed and yanked the door open. She slammed it shut behind her and pulled Shinji deeper into the room. She looked around and saw they were in the boiler room. There was no exit other than the door they had just come through. She listened for a moment, but nothing pounded against the door. That must mean that the Eva thing could not reach far enough to hit the door. She sighed and sat down against the wall, pulling Shinji down with her.

"Well, I think were safe in here. But anyway-Hey! Don't put your arm around me like that! Hentai!"

Shinji was helpless to protest as she yanked her arm away from him. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and immediately noticed that the arm she had been using to hold Shinji was soaking wet. She held it up to the light, and gasped as she saw that it was covered in blood.

"Shinji?" she asked.

Shinji turned towards her and tried to smile. It was futile, and his face merely contorted into a grotesque parody of happiness.

"It's…okay Asuka. Just a scratch."

She stared at him.

"Now is not the time to act so damn superior! It's more than a scratch and you know it! Let me see it!" She tried to summon up her old anger, but it failed her, leaving her feeling weak and helpless.

She grabbed him by the waist and pulled him across her lap. She was horrified by the depth of the wound. The rebar had torn a goodly chunk of flesh out of his right arm, and she could see his blood pulsing. While it was not wide, it still seemed incredibly deep. She thought she might be able to see a bone down there. She stared at it in morbid fascination until she looked up and saw that he was blushing.

"Hey! Don't get any ideas you hentai! We need to stop the bleeding or you'll die! And while I say good riddance, I still owe you one from saving me back there." Once again, her anger dried up, and she just ended up sounding childish. She winced inwardly at her weakness.

She ripped his shirt off, trying to ignore the blush on his face.

"God, you are such a baka hentai! I need your shirt to make a tourniquet. And I'm sure as hell not using mine so don't even think about it!"

She began to wrap his white shirt around his arm above his wound. She cinched it tight, then pulled back to check her handiwork. She smiled, and surprised herself by realizing she had actually been worried for a moment there, almost _scared_.

"There! Now we're even!"

Shinji looked at her, then at her tourniquet.

"Where…Where did you learn how to do that?"

She shrugged.

"College. Anyway, how are we gonna get out of here? That…thing is still outside. And you need actual medical supplies."

Shinji began to reply, when he was interrupted by another voice.

"Come out, Asuka-chan…It's you mother."

Asuka stared in shock at the closed door. The voice had come from behind it, from the room outside. And it did sound like her mother.

"Mama?"

The voice replied.

"Yes, my dear Asuka-chan. It's been so long since I've seen you. I'd love to see how you've grown. And is the Third-that nice Shinji boy with you?"

Without thinking, Asuka ran towards the door.

"Mama! You came back Mama!"

Shinji's hand whipped out and grabbed her ankle. She turned and slapped him.

"What the hell are you doing?" she hissed.

"Saving your life. What makes you think that your mom could possibly be out there? What about the Eva?"

She stopped for a moment. The Eva? The voice seemed to realize instantly that it's hold was broken. It's changed to a hiss of fury.

__

"Come out Children, or I will come in! I will rend your flesh and break your bones if you don't come out!"

They did not answer, so it answered for them. A gigantic hand slammed against the door and it tore off its hinges and slammed against the opposite wall. A huge white fist followed after it a second later. The fist uncurled and began searching the room for the children. It found the boiler instead. Without thinking, the monster squeezed, and the boiler crumpled, bending inwards like a tin can. A gigantic shard of metal bent outwards and tore straight through the palm of the Eva's hand. The monster outside screamed and pulled its hand back, spurting blood in fountains. Shinji and Asuka saw their chance, and they ran for the door the hand had just vacated, Asuka nearly carrying Shinji along. As they ran out of the room, they could see the Eva outside screaming and writhing in pain. There was no time to look though, no time to do anything but run. Any second now the monster would recover itself and find them. They scanned the room, praying for another exit, for anything to save them. As luck would have it, there was an open elevator shaft directly across the room. They ran, Asuka pulling Shinji, until they reached the shaft. They could see the beginnings of daylight pouring in, and they immediately began to climb the crumbling walls. It was difficult and dangerous, but Lady Luck seemed to be on their side that day. Neither fell to an almost certain death on the jagged rubble below, and they finally clambered out of the shaft and into the gradually brightening day. They looked around and realized that they were on the other side of a decaying wall from the Eva, and they planned to keep it that way. They ran into the forest, roars of pain and hatred following them.

The Evangelion had been intended as the perfect killing machine, engineered for the sole purpose of destruction, even given a sort of mind of it's own. But there was one thing the creators had never planned on. There was a darkness about the Evangelion now, a dark and twisted insanity that pervaded his very being. The Eva Series 01 had gone insane along with all his brothers during Complementation. He had been reactivated, and given a goal, but his mind was in pieces. All it knew was an imperative, a need to kill. It had thought the Children easy prey, but somehow, some way, they had managed the impossible. They had hurt it. It knew deep in its heart that the children had been toying with it by running away. It had simulated the voice of Kyoko Zeppelin Sorhyu from the data files it had been compiled at SEELE, and it had thought to use that to trick them into coming outside. But they had tricked him. They had set some horrible trap and he had fallen into it. Its hand still burned with pain from the shard of metal that it knew was set by the Children to hurt it.

_Children_, it thought. _I will tear you limb from limb, Children, and I will bathe in your blood. I will feast on your corpses, Children. But first, oh girl that tricked me, I will rape you. I will invade your body and tear it apart. I will kill you in ways you pathetic humans could never imagine in a billion years. I know you can hear me, Children. As I have God himself on my side, you ally with Lucifer. I know what powers he has given to you, Children. But they are no match for me. Beware Children, for I come._

It laughed madly, a horrible sound that echoed in the halls of the dead. It laughed, its head filled with thoughts that would have driven any mortal completely insane. But it was more than mortal, and it was already completely and utterly insane.

Asuka and Shinji finally stopped running when they reached the ruins of Tokyo-3. They needed shelter, and more importantly, they needed somewhere to hide. Though the town was little more than a wasteland now, they found what they were looking for rather quickly. It was an apartment rather like the one they had lived in prior to Third Impact. Due to its strategic position on the side of a hill, it had survived the recent apocalypse in Tokyo-3. The apartment they selected was rather similar to the one they had lived in with Misato, and they settled in quickly, choosing rooms in relatively the same place as their previous ones. They spent the first night shivering in terror, expecting every moment to herald the arrival of the monstrosity that had chased them. The next day was marginally better. Shinji found some bandages and antibiotics in a nearby apartment, and bandaged himself as well as he could, feeling it unwise to ask Asuka for assistance. As night fell over the dead ruins of Tokyo-3, their second night in their new home, Shinji sat at a window and looked over at the crater that was the last resting place of Rei Ayanami. _At least the second_, he thought bitterly. He knew what Rei had been, and it hurt him in more ways than he knew were possible. What his Father had done…was blasphemy. But despite what she was, he missed Rei, missed her a lot. He was still deep in mediation over the First when two hands fell across his eyes. His screamed and fell forward.

"What the hell are you doing, Asuka! Don't scare me like that!"

"Oh, but you looked so funny!" Asuka said, and laughed.

Shinji Ikari was pissed off. He got up and began to walk past her. He was surprised when she grabbed his arm and turned him around. He was approximately a thousand times more surprised when she kissed him on the mouth. He stared at her, shocked, looking for the evidence on her face of some joke on her part. She was still smiling.

"That was for saving me back there," she said softly. Then abruptly, her gaze hardened, "But don't get any ideas, you hentai!" She stalked away, leaving a startled Shinji Ikari staring after her.

Shinji ran his finger over his lips.

"Kaji was right…I will never understand women."

The next days passed in silent tension. Asuka and Shinji paced around the apartment they had picked out for themselves, constantly searching for the horror they knew was looking for them. Shinji spent his time in almost constant thought. He thought about Third Impact, Rei, his father, his mother, anything that came to mind. But not the kiss. He didn't want to think about that. Likewise with the Eva. He tried valiantly to keep all thought of the white monstrosity out of his mind, but it was an utter failure. Asuka spent most of the time in her room, sleeping. Shinji was bemused and more than a little surprised at how much one person could sleep. Even Misato had not slept this much, and she had slept quite a lot after one of her drunken binges. But thinking about Misato hurt, and he pushed her violently from his mind every time she surfaced. When they ate, they did so in silence. When they talked, it was reserved and uncomfortable. They waited.

It was on their sixth night of self-enforced imprisonment that Shinji woke up to the sound of screaming. _Asuka_, he thought dejectedly. He walked across the hallway and stood at her door for a moment, frozen in indecision. Then, breaking it, he opened her door and saw her thrashing back and forth across her futon.

"MAMA!" she screamed. "Come back Mama! It hurts, Mama! I love you Mama so please don't leave me! Don't leave me!"

Shinji's heart broke at the sight of the normally strong girl acting so fragile. He walked over and kneeled down beside her.

"Asuka" he called softly, "Wake up, Asuka. You're…"

His voice faltered as the moon caught her face and held it gently in its light. Her beauty was almost unearthly now, ethereal beyond all pretense of humanity. He stared at her face, lost in it. Then her eyes snapped open. For a moment, he marveled at how it made her even more beautiful, and then he realized the implications of her eyes being open. Namely, she was awake.

_Oh shit,_ he thought, a second before she screamed and shoved him away. They ended up tumbling across the floor until Shinji finally managed, after many a slap, to escape. He ran for the door, not nearly fast enough. She tackled him from behind, and they slid into the kitchen. If Asuka had not been busy screaming at him, she would have heard the gasp of pain he gave. She turned him around and slapped him again and again, until his face burned.

"You bastard!" she screamed. "You were trying to rape me! I never should have kissed you!"

"N-no Asuka! You were having nightmares again and I was just trying to comfort you!"

"What! By creeping up on me and staring at me in my sleep? You were just being a pervert!"

She hit him again. Shinji decided to just give up and stopped trying to escape. He rolled with the slaps as best he could, and tried not to cry out in pain.

"Why aren't you fighting back, hentai?"

"Can I say anything that will make you stop hitting me?"

"No!" she said, and hit him again. This time, he could not hold back the pain, and he cried out. She stopped instantly, her face contorting in shock.

"Shinji?" she said, unbelievingly, "Oh…oh…Gott…"

She lowered her head in shame, and her hair fell forward, spilling onto Shinji's chest like a waterfall. She lowered her head farther, farther, until it was touching Shinji's chest. Form beneath her auburn flow of hair, she choked out words.

"I'm…so…sorry…"

She began to cry, and for a moment Shinji did nothing, so overcome with shock was he. Then, tentatively, he reached a hand forward and stroked her hair. It was a pathetic gesture, but it was all he could think of to do. It seemed to work, though. Her choked sobs began to die down, to fade into whimpers. He continued to caress her hair, marveling at the silky feel of it. The whimpers ceased, and his hand stopped. He waited there, afraid to move or make a sound. After an indeterminable amount of time, he heard her slow breathing and realized she had fallen asleep.

_What the hell?_ he wondered. _She…She fell asleep? Lying on my chest? How tired could she possibly be? _ He lay there on the cold linoleum for a moment, his mind in an uproar. After a moment, he decided to make the best of it. He fell asleep himself, with his last thoughts thinking about how painful tomorrow was going to be.

__

It dreamed.

The thing that was once an Evangelion dreamed of desecration and blasphemies, of deaths beyond count and of oceans of blood. It dreamed of what it would do to the Children once it finally caught up to them. It knew that it would catch the Children soon, the Children that had hurt it so much. It did not remember all the hurt they had caused him, but he knew it must have happened. It knew the Children had pinned it to a giant cross and driven nails through its hands. It knew the Children had driven a shard of metal through its right hand. Every time it had hurt in life, the Children had been there, laughing at its pain and misery. But it would catch them, though they would try to stop it, to hurt it again. They were smart, yes, but it fought with the power of God himself on its side, with divine retribution. It would not fail.

__

It dreamed.

Shinji woke up slowly, his eyes blinking in the harsh morning light. Something was odd. His recently awakened mind tried valiantly to determine what the oddity was. It took him several minutes to finally place it. Something was lying on his chest. More appropriately, someone. Even more appropriately, Asuka. His eyes widened in shock as the implications struck him. She would tear him apart when she woke up. Never mind that she had been the one that had fallen asleep on top of him, she would still kill him. He was in deep shit, and was sinking rapidly. He thought for a moment about the merits of his own life, and decided he wanted to live at least a little bit longer. He tried to slide out from under her, slowly. Her eyes snapped open. He froze in shock as she grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him back underneath her.

"Stay there…" she whispered sleepily. "The floor's cold."

Shinji decided not to argue the pluses and minuses of waking up and simply tried to go back to sleep. Outside, there was a loud thump.

_Sounds almost like an Eva walking, _he thought sleepily_._ It hit him with the force of an N^2 bomb. His eyes jerked open and he jerked up, temporarily forgetting that Asuka was lying on his chest. He whirled before she could even get out a protest and ran into the next room, where he knew there was a window. He had to see if what he suspected was true. It was. There was a flash of white outside the window, and the face of his nightmares came into view. He ducked back around the corner, praying that the monstrosity had missed him. It seemed luck was with him, as after a couple moments, he could hear the sound of receding footsteps. He chanced a look out the window and saw Eva Series 01's receding back circumventing the giant crater in the center of Tokyo-3. He breathed a sigh of relief and headed back into the kitchen. He never saw the slap coming.

"OW! What the hell was that for?"

"What were you doing just dumping me on the floor like that and running off?" she responded angrily. She knew, but oh God she didn't want to believe it. In her terror, she had hit him harder than she had intended, and she felt a moment of repentance so strong it was almost painful.

"The Eva." He said simply, and was only slightly surprised at the look of abject horror on Asuka's face.

"Don't worry, Asuka. It's gone," he said reassuringly. The look of horror never left her face. She stared at him, her eyes unfocused. Her lips attempted in vain to form words. Suddenly she crumpled to the floor. He started in shock, then bent down to help her. She was unconscious. He lifted her up in his arms and carried her over to her room and her bed. He set her in the futon and pulled the covers to her chin. For a minute he just looked at her.

_She is_ _so beautiful,_ he thought. _ I don't deserve to be around her_.

He left the room without looking back.

They were running low on food, he noticed with dismay bordering on fear. He would have to get some more. He would have to go outside, where that monster was, and try to find a store that still had some food. Nearly paralyzed with fear, he walked out of their apartment and down the stairs to the lobby. He opened the lobby doors marginally and peeked outside. The white Eva was nowhere to be seen. He breathed a silent sigh of relief and stepped outside. Hours of wandering later, he found what he was looking for, a small department store nestled between several larger buildings which had been destroyed almost completely. He guessed that the larger buildings had sheltered the smaller one during the JSSDF attack. He stepped inside, and began to search the dusty aisles for canned goods and anything that hadn't spoiled. He had reached the ramen section when the foot slammed through the ceiling of the store. He screamed, and immediately realized his mistake. Instead of continuing on, the foot had stopped. A fist punched through the ceiling immediately above him, and he dove behind the counter just as the massive head of the Eva came into view. Its horrible black eyes scanned the store, searching for the source of the scream. Upon finding nothing, the head pulled back, as did the foot. He heard the sound of footsteps getting quieter and quieter in the distance, and breathed a shaky sigh of relief. In a daze, he finished his shopping and walked out of the store cautiously, looking left and right for any signs of the Eva. Nothing. He walked out, never even thinking about looking up. With packages in hand, he ran home. But not alone.

Night had fallen by the time he got home. He wondered if Asuka had woken up yet. He walked over to her room and opened the door quietly. She was still asleep, and he could see her chest rising and falling under the covers of the futon. He walked over, knelt down. He looked at her, lost in thought. He stayed that way for a long time.

He was getting up to leave when her hand grabbed his arm.

"Don't," she said pleadingly, her voice choked with emotion.

He smiled reassuringly at her, still trying to get over his shock. _What the hell is wrong with her?_ he thought. She was supposed to be the strong one here. But she seemed frightened and fragile, like a little girl lost in the dark, and his heart went out to her. He crawled into the futon next to her. They stared at each other across eternity. Then with a suddenness that was shocking she broke down crying and collapsed sideways into his arms.

"Mama!" she cried into his shoulder. "They killed Mama! Just after she came back, they killed her!"

He stiffened in shock. Mama? Who had killed her mother? He had heard Misato mention something in passing about Asuka's mother dying after an Eva accident, very much like his. But how… His thoughts were interrupted as she clutched him tighter, crying into his shoulder. He tried feebly to put his arms around her and give her some small bit of comfort. It worked, and she calmed down slightly, her sobs quieting. He held her tighter, suddenly struck with a horrible certainty.

She would hate him after this. She would hate him for seeing her cry, for seeing her be weak. It ate into him, twisting like a knife into his gut. He didn't want her to hate him. Not her. As her crying finally turned to quiet snores, he prayed to whatever God there was that she would not hate him. As he joined her in sleep, a final, sickening thought twisted its way into his mind.

__

Why shouldn't she hate you? You deserve it after what you've done…

He knew with a horrible certainty that what the voice said was truth.

He woke up hours later with her face pressed up against his chest. He smiled softly, happily. His smile quickly turned into a grimace of self-disgust as he remembered what his voice had said.

"She hates me…" he said softly. "And she should…"

"I don't hate you, Shinji," she replied softly, startling him.

"But you should," he said, his surprise deepening into fury. "You should choke me to death like I…tried to do to…you. Instead you are…are kind to me. What is this anyway, Asuka? Sleeping in the same bed, kissing me like that? Why? Are you playing with me, or…or what?"

Asuka did not reply. In truth, she could not. She stared into his deep blue eyes, and in their silent strength found some of her own. "During Third Impact," she whispered , "I saw what you had…had gone through. What you were going through. And it was almost all because of me. After that, I couldn't hate you. Not…not like I did before."

Shinji stared, then it was his turn to break down sobbing in her arms.

"But you should, Asuka! You should! I'm a monster!"

"You saved my life, too," she continued," Several times when that thing was coming for us, you saved me. You aren't a monster. But that…thing is. Do you want to compare yourself to that?"

He found that he did not. He shook his head slowly. She bent close to his ear and whispered.

"I said that I couldn't hate you, Shinji. Even if you deserve it. Because…I believe the feelings I had at that time were true."

Moments later, she slept, her cheek pressed against his, her arms around him. Shinji, however, did not get to sleep for a long, long time.

Asuka woke up in the middle of the night trying to bite back a scream. She had had the most horrible nightmare, a feverish vision of some horror reaching for her through her dreams, reaching for her to rend and to kill. She looked over at Shinji sleeping across from her and her face immediately softened. She smiled gently, a smile not unlike that of her late mother. She had not lied to him. Third Impact had changed her in ways she would never fully comprehend, and she knew the old Asuka was dead and buried. For better or worse? She did not know, and in some dark and shadowed recess of her mind, never wanted to. She hoped it was for the better. Pushing him gently away, she got up, and headed towards the bathroom. Halfway down the hall she heard a noise behind her. She turned, her blood freezing in her veins. Staring through the window at the other end of the hall was a horrible black eye, filled with hate and dark, dark insanity.

To be continued…

Anticipation killing you? Didn't think so. Oh, and yes, I realize I stole the name Rage Against the Dying of the Light from another fanfic, and I apologize. But I felt that it summed up my story as well as it did his. Sorry again. I will have book two up as soon as I reasonably can. It will be named Nevermore/Dreaming in Digital. Oh and there's a surprise coming up that will probably make you hate me for a long, long time. I don't know exactly how many installments I will have altogether, probably about three or four. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this first installment.

Now, I don't do omake, at least not in the traditional sense. Instead I do what I call "Essays on Evangelion." Simply put, I give my thoughts on various aspects of Neon Genesis Evangelion. In other words, poorly written crap forcing my opinion on you. Today essay is for the most part, concerned with the movie End of Evangelion. I hope that you will enjoy this, and maybe, just maybe, you may just see something you never even knew was there. I kinda doubt it though.

An Essay on Evangelion

Part One

A man named Peter S. Beagle once said this of J.R.R. Tolkien, writer of The Lord of the Rings:

"For in the end it is Middle-earth and its dwellers that we love, not Tolkien's considerable gifts in showing it to us. I said once before that the world he charts was there long before him, and I still believe it. He is a great enough magician to tap our most common nightmares, daydreams, and twilight fancies, but he never invented them either: he found them a place to live, a green alternative to every day's madness here in a poisoned world. We are raised to honor all the wrong explorers and discoverers-thieves planting flags, murderers carrying crosses. Let us at last praise the colonizers of dreams."

His words are as true for the world of Neon Genesis Evangelion as they are for the world of Middle-earth. Hideaki Anno found this world, he found Shinji, Asuka, and Misato, and he told their tale as best he could. But there are some that doubt his skills as a magician, or worse, misinterpret them. I pity those who smile as they praise the destruction of a world. I pity those who analyze each segment and piece of Neon Genesis Evangelion, looking for hidden symbols and deeper meanings, and in their quest for knowledge, forget humanity, and believe in a world as bleak as our own. Most of all, I pity the world of Neon Genesis Evangelion, for it has had to bear the brunt of hatred and stupidity evidenced by all those who could never _see_. Their case is particularly evidenced in the movie, The End of Evangelion. The movie is as disturbing as it is beautiful, and sometimes it is hard to tell the difference between the two. But in a world ending, there is hope. There is hope in the Ending of Evangelion, and though some doubt it, and even worse, dispute it vehemently, it is there. The world is dead, but that does not mean it cannot be reborn.

My Pre-readers are:

The ShellBack

Dante Abbey (Ascension of the Lamb, Blasphemy)

(They were the only people I could trick into reading my story more than once.)

Send comments, criticisms, and essay ideas to


	2. NevermoreDreams in Digital

Author's Note: This chapter has now been pre-read for your reading pleasure. I hope you'll enjoy.

Rage Against the Dying of the Light/Everybody Needs Somebody

Book Two

Nevermore/Dreaming in Digital

__

She's lost in coma  
where it's beautiful  
Intoxicated from the deep sleep  
Deep sleep  
Do you wonder what it's like  
living in a permanent imagination?  
Sleeping to escape reality  
But you like it like that

Guilty by design  
She's nothing more than fiction  
She dreams in digital

'Cause it's better than nothing

Now that control is gone

It seems unreal

She's dreaming in digital

Orgy

"Fiction (Dreams in Digital)"

__

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil!- prophet still, if bird or devil!-  
Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,  
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted-  
On this home by horror haunted- tell me truly, I implore-  
Is there- is there balm in Gilead?- tell me- tell me, I implore!"  
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

Edgar Allen Poe

"The Raven"

__

It dreamed

In his dream, he was chasing a demon, a goblin that cackled wildly as it ran from him across the landscape of his mind. It raved and gibbered, dancing just out of his reach. With a final, desperate lunge, he grabbed it, and held its struggling body in its hand. Then he began to squeeze.

__

It dreamed?

The Eva's fist burst through the window and into the apartment, sending chunks of wood and glass flying in every direction. It snatched Asuka up in one swift motion. Asuka screamed as the hand closed around her. She could feel the cold metal of its armor pressing against her from all sides.

When it began to squeeze, she could not find the air to scream again. Her vision began to dim, slowly, slowly, until all of her being was focused on that one horrible black eye. A solitary tear escaped her eye as the pain pushed all rational thought from her mind.

"…hurts…Mama…"

She began to fade into the darkness.

_This is dying?_ she thought. _This isn't so bad. Actually, it's kind of…comfortable. I'm coming now, Mama, I'm coming. We'll be together forever, Mama…_

When she heard the first crack, she dismissed it immediately as the sound of her bones breaking. Another crack. The darkness lifted just enough for her to see the Eva's eye explode in a massive gout of pus and gore. The hand around her immediately loosened, dumping her to the floor, and the Eva pulled away from the building. Through the fog that surrounded her, she could hear it screaming. Slowly, her breath began to return, and with it, her vision. She got up onto her hands and knees and breathed again and again. Air had never tasted so sweet, so pure. She stumbled to her feet, leaning against the wall for support, breathing in harsh, shuddering, gasps.

She looked up slowly. At the end of the hall, she could see Shinji leaning up against the wall, a look of utter and horrific surprise etched on his face. She stumbled over, nearly limping from prolonged lack of oxygen. She tripped, catching her foot on something hard and cold and metallic. She hit the ground and lay there for a moment, staring at what she had tripped on. A pistol lay on the floor, inches from Shinji's nerveless fingers.

"He…he shot it? But…"

She had no time for further questions. With an inarticulate scream of rage, the Eva lunged back into the gaping hole into the wall. In anger, he inadvertently saved their lives. In his fury, he attempted to shove his entire body into the opening, to rend the Children apart with his teeth. The hole in the wall was not nearly large enough, and he lay there, stuck, his snapping teeth bare feet from the screaming Asuka and the near-comatose Shinji. Asuka, still screaming in terror, grabbed Shinji's limp body and dragged him down the hall, towards the stairs. Moments later, half the apartment collapsed under the massive weight of the Evangelion. Furious, it pulled out of the destroyed masonry and began to hunt through the rubble.

Asuka ran down the stairwell, dragging Shinji along as the entire building began to collapse. She looked up quickly at the numbers on the wall as they went by. 13…12…11…

She reached the 10th floor and fell to her hands and knees, panting hard. She was just starting to get up, pulling Shinji up beside her, when the building collapsed behind her. She whirled around and saw the ceiling crumple and collapse above her. A piece of concrete, large as a basketball, bounced off the stairs and slammed into the side of her head. Her vision blurred and grew red. Through the red haze she could see the ceiling above her collapse. She shoved Shinji aside just as tons of masonry and concrete slammed on top of her, driving her to the ground.

All around her was darkness, and she wondered for a second if perhaps she had been knocked out. Then she heard Shinji yelling. His voice sounded small and weak through the wall of concrete.

"..suk…ka….Asuka…"

She tried to reply, but she could find no breath. As her vision began to adjust to the light, she could see why. A chunk of concrete nearly the size of a car was pinning her from the chest down. She winced in pain. It was getting harder to breathe. She tried to gasp in another breath, but failed.

__

Guess I'm seeing you after all, Mama…

What light there was began to dim.

A voice spoke, soft and emotionless. Asuka knew this voice.

"Pilot Sorhyu."

Asuka looked around, searching for the source of the voice. She immediately noticed two things. One, the rubble covering her was gone. Two, she did not know where she was. She was laying in some sort of spotlight. The area around the harsh beam of light was cast in shadows. She slowly got to her feet and looked around.

In the shadows, something moved. Rei Ayanami stepped out. Asuka gaped in shock.

"Wondergirl? What are you doing here? Where's Shinji?"

"He is safe, Pilot Sorhyu. My being here is of no consequence. It simply is."

"But I thought you were…" Asuka started, but found she could not complete her thought.

"You are using him."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Ikari. You are using Ikari."

"I don't know what you're talking about!"

"You cheap slut. You know exactly what I am talking about. You were so shattered after Third Impact, you used the closest person you could find. The only person you could find."

"B…but, Rei…I…I was just…scared…"

"No, you were just a whore. A stupid, cheap, _dirty_ whore."

Asuka began to cry. She could not help herself. What barriers she had set shattered in the wake of Rei's cruelty.

"How disgusting." Rei said. Then she giggled.

Asuka looked up in shock. Rei was standing inches away, staring straight into her eyes. Her face was full of cruel mirth.

"Am I hurting you, Asuka?"

"You…aren't…Rei…"

"Very good, Asuka, very good. I guess you're a little more than a cheap dirty tramp."

Asuka cringed. Rei moved closer, giggling, and Asuka could suddenly see her eyes fully. The pupils of her eyes suddenly began to swim and merge, the deep red becoming a harsh, cold black. Asuka stared in horror. She could see _into_ the Rei-thing's eyes. They danced and rippled like the surface of a pool. In them Asuka could see horrors, nightmares given life, thousands of festering corpses rotting in the sun. She screamed and backed away.

As she watched, her eyes wide and uncomprehending, Rei split in half. From the bloody split, a person emerged. Her mother stepped out of the Rei-thing's discarded halves, covered in blood and gore. She smiled horribly.

"Come hug your mother, Asuka. Give me a big hug, you stupid little bitch."

Asuka screamed, stepping back.

"Mama! Mama! Mama!"

Her mother embraced her, holding Asuka so she could not move. She brought one bloody hand up and cupped Asuka's chin. Her fingers smeared a path of blood across Asuka's cheek. She slowly pulled Asuka's head up, locking their eyes. Asuka could not look away, could not tear her eyes from her mother's. They were a deep, horrible black, filled with a sharp, biting hatred, and something…more. They whispered of insanity, of dark and horrible rituals of flesh in the halls of the dead, of a capering glee that delighted as it danced in an ocean of blood.

"Welcome to the Dead Lands, Asuka," she whispered, her voice dead and horrible," You'll love it down here…"

Asuka screamed again and again, pulling out of her mother's dead and bloody grip. Her screams faltered and stopped as the face of her mother began to twist and deform like putty. For a second, it was the face of her father, then Hikari, Touji, Kensuke, Misato, then thousands of faces she did not recognize. They all talked as one, with that horrible dead-voice.

"You're in the Dead Lands, Asuka. You'll be with us…forever…You'll love it down here Asuka…down here with us…" It giggled horribly, "Join us, Asuka, join us in our ceremony of undying…"

The shadows around her moved to suck her in. She screamed a final time as the shadows about reached for her. Then suddenly she was rising, pulled upwards by some unknown force. But it came not from around her, not from the shadows. It came from above, the direction the spotlight was coming from. The voice at once became a hiss of hatred, and the dead-thing moved towards her.

"You cannot have her! _You will not have her!_ She is mine, you hear me! MINE!"

One horrible claw-like hand moved to grab her, but she was already rising up, into the light.

She rose into the light like a swimmer breaking the surface of a pool. She gasped for breath, and finally found it. She could feel something lying on top of her, but it was not heavy. It was warm and soft. She reached a hand towards it, and her hand sunk into a mop of unruly brown hair. Shinji's head snapped up, his tear-filled eyes looking at her in disbelief and unadulterated joy. He hugged her, pushing her into the ground. His tears were wet against her cheek.

"Asuka…you're… alive…"

She hugged him back, mind still spinning from what had just happened. What _had_ just happened? What memories she had were fading, growing dimmer and weaker. She tried hard to remember, but failed. She just knew it had been horrible.

Something spoke from the shadows around them.

"See you soon, Asuka…"

Her head snapped up, and she looked up just in time to see two burning red eyes fading into the dark.

They crawled out of the rubble, Asuka leaning on Shinji for support. Slowly, they began descending the twisted ruins of the stairwell. As they did, Shinji explained what had happened to bring about Asuka's miraculous recovery.

"I managed to pull away the rubble around you, but there was one piece on top of you, and I…couldn't pull it off…But then you screamed, and I just kind of…shoved it off… I don't know how, I was upset, and not really thinking clearly. Maybe it was the stress…"

He sounded unconvinced. She turned to him and smiled.

" You know Shinji, I…I…"

__

Give me a big hug, you stupid little bitch.

"Asuka? What's wrong?"

__

No, you're just a whore. A stupid, cheap, dirty whore.

The memories struck her with hurricane force.

"Mama…was right…I'm using you…" she whispered, her voice thick with self-loathing.

Shinji gaped in shock.

"Wha…What? What are you talking about?"

"I'm just a slut! I'm just looking for comfort the easiest way I know! The only reason you never pushed me away was because you pitied me! I…"

She pulled out of his grip and began to run. Before she got five steps, however, Shinji caught her and whirled her around.

"Asuka! How can you say that! You never used me, you were just…nice to me… I never pushed you away because I never wanted to! Asuka, I…I need you…"

She stared, her eyes wide and uncomprehending.

"Wha…you…I…but…" She could not find words to express her disbelief. He grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her on the lips. He pulled back and saw that she was still staring forward in shock.

"Asuka, if this is you using me…then I want to be used…"

She continued to stare, her eyes riveted forward.

"Asuka, please say something…" Shinji said, beginning to get worried.

"I…I need…you too… B-but, that's wrong! It's wrong to need someone! It's weak to need someone! I promised never to be weak again!"

"No, Asuka, it isn't. It is not weak to need someone. Not if they need you, too."

She stared at him. She stared at his eyes, burning with self-righteous passion. Odd how they contrasted against the white of the corridor behind him.

White? Terror and comprehension struck simultaneously. She tackled him as the monstrous white hand burst out of the stairwell below them. They tumbled down the stairs, screaming as the rest of the Evangelion burst out of the tilted and twisted wall, both hands now reaching for them. They reached the bottom of the stairs, immediately stumbling to their feet and beginning to run. The apartment building was now horribly twisted and disfigured, stairways leading to nowhere, walls warped beyond recognition.

The Eva chased them through this jungle of steel and concrete, howling in fury and hunger. While it was much larger, much faster and more agile, they were smaller, and could get through parts of the rubble that it could not. Still, the chase was distinctly one-sided. The Children knew that if they did not find some sort of hiding place, they would be dead within minutes. They were already tiring, but the Eva probably never would. Shinji pushed aside the shattered remains of a door, and suddenly, they were outside. The stood there, frozen by indecision. Where to go? Where?

Their choice was made for them. The blasphemy that was an Evangelion burst through the wall behind them. They whirled in horror as it reached for them, then suddenly, the world dropped out from under them. The damage done by the Eva had finally caused the structural collapse of the apartment, and the ground below them went with it. They slid down the tilted rubble of the apartment, sliding into the darkness. Seconds later they burst into the light of the Geofront, the twisted and crumbling path coming to a stop directly above it. They screamed in shock as they saw the long and imminently fatal fall before them. They slid off the end of the concrete, and they both closed their eyes.

They had barely fallen ten feet when they came to a sudden and jarring stop. They opened their eyes, confused and shaken. They were lying on top of the express train track that led into the Geofront. Whatever gods had thus far extended their blessings seemed perfectly willing to continue to do so. They turned to each other and, amazingly, began to laugh. Soon they could not stop, and they rolled back and forth across the metallic path of the train track holding their hands to their sides and crying with laughter. Slowly, they calmed down, their laughter dying down. Shinji raised himself up onto one elbow.

"We have to be the luckiest people alive."

"Baka, we're the _only_ people alive." she replied mockingly, even tragedy unable to stop her mirth.

"Where do we go from here?" Shinji said seriously.

"We might as well go down. Hopefully, the Eva can't get down here."

They both got to their feet. Slowly, supporting each other, they began to walk down the path towards the remains of the Geofront, eyes constantly watching the massive crater above, searching for whatever horrors may come.

Once more a council was held in that null where none was all. The old men who appeared were no longer cool and calculated, no longer masters of humanity's fate. They were furious, their previous composure given way to blind and impotent rage.

"What the hell has happened, Kihl? Those children should be corpses now, and Instrumentality should be complete!"

"We can still recover. We can always recover."

"Not this time, Kihl! This time your incompetence has doomed us all! Our instrument of destruction has failed! How could this be?"

"Do not say things you will regret. The Evangelion may have lost his mind, but he is still capable of destroying the Children. Instrumentality can not be stopped."

"And what of Malkiah?"

"All purposes shall be bent to serve ours. Our need is the need of the world. Humanity is an imperfect vessel, and we must ascend to be as one!"

"Of course, Kihl, of course. We shall not fail."

The sea of LCL was still once more.

Hours of walking later, Shinji and Asuka reached the black pyramid of the Geofront. The climbed up the broken rubble of the steps, and stepped into the cool darkness. They descended deeper into the Geofront, searching for some sort of place for them to sleep, trying desperately to avoid the constant brutal reminders of the JSSDF invasion. They finally found a place to sleep, a single futon in the back of a room full of computer terminals and cubicles. Asuka turned to him, wearily.

"I imagine there's no food in this dump?" she asked, more tired than angry.

"I don't know, Asuka, but we can look tomorrow. For now, let's get some sleep. I'll take the floor. You take the futon."

She turned to him, angry.

"Must you be so damn chivalrous? We'll share the futon."

She grabbed Shinji and shoved him into the futon. Then she crawled in next to him. Shinji was trying desperately to stop the flow of blood from his nose, so he failed to notice Asuka was crying.

"This is what I am to you?" she asked, almost too quietly for him to hear. His head jerked up, and he immediately saw the tears in her eyes.

"Asuka, what's wrong?"

"You don't want to be near me. Are you that afraid of me?"

"N-n-no Asuka! It's just not, umm…respectable…to share a bed with a person you aren't married to…that's all! It's not dignified!"

"But Shinji, the world is gone. Isn't dignity just the word of a dead world?"

He stared at her, unable to refute her logic. She kissed him lightly on the lips, smiling.

"Dead world or not, Shinji, you keep the nightmares away. You're good for that much."

They fell asleep that way, and Shinji's last feeling was of Asuka's light breath against his cheek. He thought it was the most wonderful feeling in the world.

"I am proud of you, Shinji Ikari"

The voice was Rei's.

They were walking along a beach, a normal beach with beautiful golden sand and blue water. Rei was at his right, walking in the surf. He turned to her.

"Why? What have I done to earn respect?"

"You have helped a lost little girl find her way. That is something for which you merit respect and admiration."

"Asuka?" he asked, surprised.

"If the Second had never met you, she would have killed herself within a year."

"What are you talking about?" he asked, horrified.

"It does not matter. There are things of far more importance to talk about. The souls are being denied a path back to Earth."

"What? I don't understand."

"The souls of all the people on Earth are being denied their fate. What Yui predicted may be false."

"But…but Mother said…she said all who wished to return could do so."

"Yui, in her wisdom, could not see all. Something is blocking the souls from returning to their bodies."

"What, Ayanami? What is blocking the souls?"

"I…I do not know. That is beyond my sight…"

"Then why are you telling me this?"

"Because you, and the Second, must find a way to return the souls to Earth."

"What? Why us?"

"Because there is no one else. The creature that has been attacking you, the Evangelion, may be the cause of this…blasphemy… You must stop it."

"But, Ayanami, we…we can't stop it! It's been all we can do to outrun it!"

"You are stronger than you imagine, Ikari. Your soul is stronger than you imagine. You will do what is right, and the dance of eternity will be completed."

His dream, his vision, began to fade.

"Rei!" he called, frantically.

She looked at him sadly, the waves washing over her ankles.

"The Second is luckier than she knows…I will be seeing you, Ikari…."

She smiled, a genuine, beautiful smile, and the dream dissolved.

"I am proud of you, Asuka Langely Sorhyu"

The voice was Kaji's.

They were sitting on a green hillside underneath a beautiful blue sky, Asuka in her yellow sundress, Kaji in his usual work attire.

"Why are you proud of me, Kaji? Is it because I'm beautiful, smart, brave, or just because I'm me?"

"You've saved yourself."

"What?" she asked, turning to him.

"From your weakness, you've grown strong. That is a wonderful thing. Ikari, too, is stronger than even I had imagined." He laughed.

She turned to him, sadly.

"I've missed you, Kaji."

He turned to her, and his face was now serious.

"I've missed you too, Asuka. I've come here to do more than say hello, however. I need your help."

"What for, Kaji?"

"You are familiar with the Dead Lands?"

Her eyes widened and she tried to get up, her face contorting with shock and terror.

"You! You're not Kaji! You're just trying to trick me, like before!"

He grabbed her wrist gently and pulled her back down.

"No, Asuka, I'm not. That was an illusion of the Dead Lands. The Dead Lands…that is where I am, Asuka. Misato and all the others, too"

She gasped.

"No! You're down there, Kaji?"

"Yes, Asuka. That is why I need your help. Something…is collecting the souls that are trying to return to Earth. You and Ikari must stop it."

"But…but how, Kaji?"

"For starters, you need to kill that Evangelion. Perhaps that is what is hindering the return of souls."

"But, Kaji! We can't kill it! It's a monster, and…and we have no Evas!"

"You don't need an Evangelion, Asuka. I think you're strong enough."

He got up, pulling her to her feet with him.

"You and Ikari…heh, I should've known. You'll do well by each other."

He began to fade.

"Kaji! Wait!"

"Sorry, Asuka. I need to go. It was nice seeing you again. You have a job to do now. When you finish it…maybe I will see you again. I will be watching you…"

He smiled, a kind, warm smile, and the dream dissolved.

Asuka woke slowly, her eyes adjusting painfully to the harsh glare of the fluorescent lights.

_Odd_, she thought, _it smells like shampoo…but it doesn't smell like my brand…_

She opened her eyes wider, and the source of the smell immediately became apparent. She had been sleeping locked in a tight embrace with Shinji Ikari. Her mind chose that time to scream.

__

Pervert! Baka Hentai! He's trying to cop a feel!

She thought it best to bring to the voice's attention that the embracing situation was mutual.

_Fine then_, the voice replied nastily, _We need to rectify the situation. We will yank our arms away, and then we will tear his throat out and feast on the contents. Do it!_

She tightened her arms around him.

_NO! Shove him away, dammit!_

_So you want to sacrifice happiness for your personal ethics? _she asked.

The voice was silent. She smiled contentedly, and nuzzled into his neck.

An indeterminable time later, Shinji woke up. He blushed as red as a tomato when he saw how close they had gotten during the night, and she giggled.

"Umm…good morning, Asuka."

"Good morning, Shinji. Did you sleep well?"

His face turned serious.

"I had the strangest dream…Ayanami was there, and she said that all the souls of the people who died in Third Impact were…trapped somehow. She said that–Asuka? Are you all right?"

She had tensed against him, her arms clutching him hard enough to hurt.

"I…I had that same dream…except Kaji was there, and he said…that we need to kill…the Eva…"

"What? But-but that's impossible!"

"I know, but it happened. He said that the Evangelion may be the thing that is stopping people from returning to Earth…"

"So did Ayanami…" he said softly.

"But…how, Shinji? How can we kill something like that? I couldn't even beat it in my Eva…"

"I don't know, but I think our best bet would be to keep looking through the Geofront. There should be some sort of weapons, or something. And we need to find food. We haven't eaten for a day."

She nodded, and they both crawled out of the futon. They stared at each other, and lacking something to say, both left the room.

Hours later, they stumbled across a cafeteria. Shinji breathed a sigh of relief. He had begun suspecting darkly that they would die of starvation in the Geofront. They searched the cafeteria thoroughly, looking for any food that had not spoiled in the time the cafeteria had been disused. They found several packages of ramen, and Shinji began cooking them while Asuka checked the cafeteria again. Her second search was as ineffective as the first, and they determined to ration what they had carefully before they found more. Shinji finished with the ramen, and it was served and eaten in silence. Their thoughts were both on the Evangelion and the impossibility forced upon them. They had nothing but normal weapons, and that was proven ineffective. Shinji and Asuka still did not know how Shinji had managed to wound the Eva with a pistol, when even a rocket launcher didn't even leave a dent. When the meal was finished, they packed up the remaining ramen and set out to search for something that could kill an Evangelion.

They returned to the cafeteria from a fruitless search. They had descended into the deepest levels of the Geofront, nearly to Terminal Dogma, and had found nearly nothing. They had found several pistols, but certainly nothing capable of killing an Eva. Shinji cooked, and Asuka sat at a table and thought. Shinji finished, and brought the ramen over. They ate once more without talking. Finally, Asuka broke the silence.

"Shinji…I've been meaning to ask…"

"About how I was able to shoot the Eva with a pistol without it being deflected by an A.T. Field?"

She nodded.

"I don't know, Asuka. The A.T. Field can stop an N^2 mine, but somehow…it couldn't stop a bullet. I just don't know…"

She lowered her head. He reached over and grabbed one of her hands in his.

"It doesn't matter, Asuka, at least not now. We need to get some rest, and maybe it will come to us."

They left the cafeteria and began the trek back to their room.

The walked in the room and crawled into their futon in silence. They looked at each other across the futon.

"Uh…I…G-goodnight, Asuka…"

He jumped as she put her arms around him and buried her face in his chest.

"Goodnight, Shinji."

"You've done well, kids."

Misato smiled, facing them across the table. They were in Misato's apartment, which was, for all appearances, intact. Shinji and Asuka chose to take this in stride.

"You're just looking in the wrong place, that's all," she continued, in a bright and chipper voice, "It's all just a matter of perspective!"

Asuka snorted.

"Easy for you to say! You haven't had to search through the stupid Geofront for the whole day and find nothing!"

Misato looked hurt.

"Aww, Asuka, there's no need to get upset." She smiled teasingly. "You guys look so cute when you're sleeping."

"Misato!" Shinji said, shocked. "You've been watching us?"

"Yeah, and you two look like a couple of lovebirds. It's adorable. I never really took you as the romantic type though, Asuka."

Asuka turned beet red.

"Hehe, you two are such fun to tease."

Asuka turned away angrily.

"Why are you here, Misato?" Shinji asked quietly.

She looked at him, serious now.

"You can't kill the Evangelion with normal weapons. You should know better than that."

Asuka turned back.

"But…but Shinji shot it in the eye with one of your pistols! How do you explain that?"

Misato shook her head slowly.

"I can't tell you. If I do, it could ruin everything. You'll have to figure it out on your own."

Asuka grabbed Misato by the front of her shirt and shook her.

"What the hell are we supposed to do then? Can't you tell us anything?"

Misato pulled Asuka's hands off of her shirt.

"I'm not the only one keeping secrets, Asuka. You haven't told Shinji about the Dead Lands, have you?"

Asuka turned white.

"N-no…I didn't want to…I can't …I…"

Shinji turned to her.

"What is Misato talking about, Asuka? What are the Dead Lands?"

Asuka looked down, silent.

"It's where we are, Shinji." Misato said sadly. "All the people who were brought together by Instrumentality, to you the Third Impact, have been…well, for want of a better word, stolen. Asuka was down there. She saw the Dead Lands when she almost died under that piece of concrete."

Shinji turned to Asuka, who was trembling. He put his arms around her. Her trembling became sobs.

"I saw Mama down there! Mama and everyone else! They were all…dead…"

Misato nodded.

"Not surprising. All the souls who have ever been would have been gathered by Instrumentality."

This did little to comfort Asuka. She continued to sob, as Shinji held her and tried to provide what comfort he could.

"You know what would help? Beer. You want one, Asuka? It always cheers me up."

Shinji looked at her venomously.

"Sorry, sorry." She took a sip of her beer and immediately spit it out. The liquid that hit the table was not beer, however. It was blood. She threw it away, and turned to Shinji, her eyes wide with fear.

"I've stayed too long! He's here!"

The shadows behind her coalesced, forming something horrific. From them stepped a shape cloaked entirely in black. From it's shadowed cowl dripped a constant waterfall of blood. It pooled on the floor at his feet. Asuka stopped crying and stared, horrorstruck. A voice emanated from the cowl, filled with hatred and a dark, dark insanity.

"You try to betray me, woman?"

Misato tried to stand up but failed.

"You bastard! You have no place here! Leave!"

He laughed cruelly and beckoned with one hand. Misato rose like a puppet on a string and glided over the floor towards him. She stopped inches in front of his face, her whole body trembling.

"I shall. But you are coming with me. You shall be…punished for your insubordination."

She shook her head, tears forming in her eyes.

"Get the hell away from her!"

The thing looked up, and the sudden movement caused blood to splatter all over Misato's face. She whimpered.

Shinji stood at the other end of the room, his face dark with fury, one fist raised in challenge. Asuka was nowhere to be seen.

"Where is she, boy? Where is the girl?"  
The answer came a second later as Asuka tackled him from the side. He never budged. He laughed again, a horrible sound. One hand reached down and grabbed her by the throat. He raised her into the light and squeezed. She began to choke, her hands scrabbling to pull his claws away.

"ASUKA!" Shinji screamed in fury as he lunged across the room. He was less than a foot away when he suddenly stopped in midair. The cloaked thing hardly spared him a glance. Asuka was turning blue, her eyes bulging. In a last, desperate attempt to save herself, she reached into the cowl. The thing dropped her, pulling away. Misato and Shinji also tumbled to the floor. The thing stood over her, blood pouring from his cowl and onto Asuka's chest.

"You will regret that, girl. You will pay dearly. But I have wasted enough time here."

He motioned, and Misato faded into nothing. He then grabbed Asuka and threw her across the room into Shinji.

"We will meet again, Children. And when we do, you shall be testament to horrors you have yet to imagine."

Shinji jumped to his feet, supporting Asuka.

"Who are you, and what the hell have you done to Misato?"

"My name, Children, is Malkiah. Remember it, Children, for it is the last name you shall ever hear in your pathetic, insignificant little lives. The bell tolls for thee, Children, and is not the sound sweet?"

He faded from the dream, laughing.

To be continued…

Whee! God, I love cliffhangers. As a wise man once said: "Thy readers shalt like thy story better if thou haveth cliffhangers. And sex." Actually, I'm pretty sure I made that up. Whole lot of surprises this chapter. I guess the Eva isn't the biggest threat after all, although he certainly is one big goddamn threat. Misato, Kaji and Rei will have parts to play in the coming chapters, so don't worry about that. Boy, I kinda treated Misato crappy, didn't I? I even ruined her beer. Ouch. Well, I'll make it up to her. The next chapter is coming up, tentatively titled Deus Ex Machina/Within, Without. At least one huge surprise coming up. If you are wondering, there will be four books total, and most likely an epilogue. And after that? Well, anything can happen…

And now, an Essay on Evangelion. This essay is even more egotistical and opinion forcing than the last, so if I were you, I would close this window and back slowly from the computer before turning and running like all the demons of hell were after you. For God's sake, run! RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN! Don't say I didn't warn you…

An Essay on Evangelion

Part 2

The greatest weakness of most  
humans is their hesitancy to tell others how much they love  
them while they're alive. - O.A. Battista

"Hopeless romantics are only hopeless in the  
eyes of those who don't believe in romance."  
-Anonymous

This essay concerns a topic of the fiercest debate. The topic, you ask? Asuka and Shinji. Those of you who are rolling your eyes, get out right now. I can never change your mind, so I'm not even going to bother. I am sick of all this debate and venom and hatred, and it has no place anywhere near this story. Now, to Shinji and Asuka. Why do I think they should be together? Simple question, simple answer. They need each other. To expound, I believe firmly that Asuka is the only person in NGE that needs Shinji and vice versa. I can see Rei living a happy and full life without Shinji, but I cannot say the same for Asuka. An example: I have read many romantic fan fics, both with Rei/Shinji pairings and Asuka/Shinji pairings, and I have noticed an odd pattern. In the Asuka/Shinji fics, Rei is either not used at all, which is relatively rare, or she is used well. She is not abused or maligned. She is not made the subject of scorn. Her relationship with Shinji usually stays the same. However, in Rei/Shinji fics, Asuka almost always, to put it bluntly, gets it up the ass. She is treated as stupid, and in nearly every fic stays from beginning to end a self-righteous bitch. That is another reason why Asuka needs Shinji. Without him she will always be a bitch. He can see past her veneer, he has been able to since episode nine when he saw her crying for her mother in her sleep, and without someone to see her for what she is, she will never truly change. She will always be a shattered little girl that promised never to cry again. Shinji does love Rei, and she loves him. I would never argue that. But I believe a romantic relationship between the two could not/should not happen. Their relationship is something different, as Shinji has said many times. Perhaps it is the fact that she is the partial clone of his mother, and understands him in a way few could. I think their relationship would be far more beautiful if it was not romantic, but more than a simple friendship. However, my opinion is tempered by my belief that Shinji and Asuka need each other.

Another reason I see Shinji and Asuka together is the End of Evangelion. The final scene of End of Evangelion is representative of Asuka finally realizing and accepting this need, hence the title One More Final: I Need You. But overall, my reason for wanting them together is simple: I love them, and I love them together.

For, I see, in my mind's eye, a scene of beauty:

I see a girl walking along a green forest path, her auburn hair catching the setting sun and reflecting it in a million shattered prisms. She is with a boy, a boy who is slight of build and strong of heart, who walks beside her. He looks over at her, cautiously, and extends one hand slowly towards hers. She turns to him and smiles, then grabs his hand hard in hers and begins to run down the path. They break out of the forest and into the sunlight, and they stop. They are standing at the edge of a cliff, looking over the misted lushness of the horizon. She sits down, pulling him down roughly with him. They sit together, watching the sunset. She sees how he sneaks almost constant looks at her out of the corner of her eyes. Finally, as the sun dwindles to little more than a point on the horizon, and the land fades into star-speckled night, she grabs him by the shirt and pulls him forward, kissing him on the lips. He is shocked for a moment, then his shock fades into bliss as they kiss under a rapidly growing blanket of stars.

I see them there, and from that I can be happy. I can be happy because I know that no matter what direction my life takes me, be it a wasted life or a blessed one, there will always be one beautiful thing, one true thing. And as I lay on my deathbed I will think of that great truth, and I will smile. I will die smiling, for and because of them. And, this being a day of visions, I see one final thing. One day, I hope, I pray, that I will walk with them, walk through a forest of green beauty and unending light. Is that so much to ask? I love you, Asuka. I love you, Shinji. I love you all and I hope to walk with you one day in that place where hatred and suffering are dreams within dreams and the light is all.

Direct your comments, criticisms, flames, and money to


	3. Deus Ex MachinaWithin, Without

Author's Note: Jesus, that was quick, wasn't it? I guess I just got a burst of inspiration. This chapter has also not been pre-read, as I figured I could criticize my own stories. Now everyone listen closely: _This is my worst Essay on Eva yet_. If you don't like it please do not complain. Just read the story. That is far more important than my pathetic opinion. Anyway, enjoy, gentle reader.

Rage Against the Dying of the Light/Everybody Needs Somebody

Book Three

Deus Ex Machina/Within, Without

__

Father, into your hands,

I commend my spirit.

Father, into your hands,

Why have you forsaken me?

In your eyes, forsaken me

In your thoughts, forsaken me

In your heart, forsaken me

Trust in my

Self-righteous suicide

I…cry…when angels deserve to die…

-System of a Down

"Chop Suey"

_I guess I'm just an old-fashioned sentimentalist at heart. I refuse  
to accept a no-win scenario. I hate the thought of a universe without  
justice. If the maneuverings of dark powers can't be exposed and  
defeated by the pure of heart, then there's no point in anything. I  
can't believe that._  
-Benjamin Hutchins

__

Out here in the fields

I fight for my meals

I get my back into my living

I don't need to fight, to prove I'm right

I don't need to be forgiven

Don't cry, don't raise your eyes

It's only teenage wasteland

-The Who

"Baba O' Riley"

__

The bell tolls for thee, Children, and is not the sound sweet?

Asuka and Shinji both woke up screaming. They would have both bolted from the futon and out of the room had they not been so closely entwined. As it was, they struggled futilely against each other until the influence of the nightmare faded. When their vision finally cleared, they saw at once where and what they were and calmed down, their choked cries of terror fading into gasps for breath.

"Asuka…" Shinji gasped, "Are you…are you all right?"

She nodded and he hugged her fiercely.

"I'm sorry, Asuka," he said softly and apologetically, "I couldn't help you…I tried, but…"

"It's all right, Shinji. I can take care of myself. But what…what happened to Misato?"

"I don't know… I hope that she's all right."

"I hope so, too… But-but what can we do? We need to help them somehow. The First, Kaji, Misato, they all said that we need to free them from the Dead Lands. And we may be able to do that by killing the Eva. But how?"

"There may be a way." Shinji said, thoughtfully.

"What? What do you mean?"

"I think I saw a sign a few halls over for something called "A.T. Field Technology." Maybe…there could be something there we could use."

She sighed. "I guess that's as good an idea as any…"

He slid out of the futon unhappily, already missing its warmth.

"We'll eat first, and then we can look."

She nodded and got out of the futon. They changed, having found a store of school uniforms in another part of the Geofront. Shinji had guessed that they were probably just for storage, since most of the surface had been destroyed, but Asuka had claimed adamantly that the Commander had kept them just because he was a pervert who liked his girls in school uniforms. Shinji had decided discretion was the better part of valor and had not argued. They finished changing and left for the long walk to the cafeteria.

Breakfast was as silent as nearly every other meal they had consumed thus far in the Geofront. Shinji decided to do something about it. He cleared his throat.

"Do you think…that what they said was true? That if we kill the Eva, then everyone could return to Earth? That would be great!"

"I guess…it would be nice to see Kaji again. And Hikari."

"Yeah, and it would be great to see Touji and Kensuke and Misato again. Ayanami...it would be nice to see her too…"

He lowered his head in thought, and therefore did not catch the look that passed over Asuka's face. It was a look of pure torment, of chances lost or never taken at all. Her mouth moved to from words and failed. She tried again, with marginal success.

"You…" she choked out, "you loved her, didn't you?"

He still did not look up, so lost was he in his own private world.

"Yes," he responded firmly, in a voice that showed just how much he had thought about the issue over the past days.

Asuka felt her heart twist and knot upon itself. A solitary tear rolled down her cheek.

__

I should have tried… Now he…loves that… doll. I lost to a doll…again…

Gathering up the tattered remnants of her resolve, she asked a question that had been eating away at her since she had woken up on that faraway beach bordering an ocean of blood.

"Do…do you love me?" She asked in little over a whisper.

His head jerked up and his mouth dropped open in shock. He saw the tear and his eyes widened.

"Asuka?"

He had given Rei Ayanami hours of thought, but Asuka…well, he had taken their sleeping together as just a phase she would eventually get over. To be honest, he had taken all her recent actions as just a temporary thing caused by Third Impact. He had never thought…

"It's fine," she lied, "I understand…you and the do-Ayanami…I understand." She bit back a sob with pure strength of will. Another tear slipped down her cheek, unnoticed.

"N-no Asuka! Me and Ayanami, it's not like that! It's just that she's well…I don't know, but I don't love her in that way!"

"You don't need to lie, Shinji… I understand."

She began to get up, her tears splashing on the table. He grabbed her hand gently.

"I do, Asuka."

She stared at him, her brain refusing to acknowledge what he had just said. For a moment he could not continue, he was so entranced by her eyes. They showed everything, everything she had hid so well for years. They showed an adamant denial of any happiness, of any belief that she could ever be at peace. She had only asked the question because she had expected to be denied and her life to be the way it had always been. Not just expected, _hoped_.

"I love you, Asuka."

Her resolve wavered, then snapped like kindling. She collapsed to the table, sobbing. He walked around to her side of the table and put his arms around her.

"It's all right, Asuka," he said comfortingly, holding her. "It's all right…"

She grabbed him and cried onto his shoulder. Shinji could feel her hot tears roll down his back.

"I'm sorry, Asuka, I'm sorry for making you think…I…for hurting you…"

She continued to sob into his shoulder, her hands grabbing double fistfuls of his shirt. _How could I mean this much to anybody?_ he thought, astonished.

Her sobs quieted slowly. He looked down at her and she looked up, her eyes red and teary.

"Thank you, Shinji, I…I…thank you."

She slowly leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. For a moment, a still, unbroken, beautiful moment, there was peace. Then she pulled away. Her lips twitched in a crooked smile.

"Of course you do. How could you pick the First over me?"

He smiled.

"We should go look for those weapons…"

She nodded, than kissed him on the lips again.

"For luck." She said simply, and smiled again. Shinji had doubts that he would ever get tired of that smile.

They left, holding hands.

From the shadows in one corner of the cafeteria stepped a figure dressed entirely in black.

"How utterly disgusting," he said, his voice thick with loathing. "Why must humans try to justify their existence with such stupidities? Bah, no matter. My pet shall dispose of them, and I shall finally achieve my goal. What is love to death? "

He walked to the table where the Children had sat. He reached down and picked up two pieces of hair from the table. One was auburn, and one was a deep brown. He twisted and knotted them together, forming an intricate thread. He held it in his fist for a moment, then began to speak.

"My pretty, you have failed thus far. But not again, never again. Here is what you must do, my pretty…"

When he was finished he clenched his fist. Light flared from between his knuckles, and when he opened his fist again, there was nothing left but ashes. He sunk back into the shadows, chuckling cruelly.

"Enjoy your happiness, Children, false as it may be. For where you are going, there is no happiness at all. Nothing but…death…and blood…"

He cackled horribly as he faded from existence.

Shinji found himself looking at Asuka as they walked down the hallway more than he ever had before in all the time they had spent together. She seemed herself again, humming a tune in German to herself under her breath. It was hard to believe she was the same Asuka who had collapsed sobbing only minutes before when she had thought he didn't love her. Did he love her, or had he just said that to calm her down? He gave the idea only a few moments thought before deciding that he had not lied. The knowledge filled him with joy.

With shocking suddenness, she stopped humming and latched onto his arm.

"Lucky!" she proclaimed proudly.

He looked down at her, surprised.

"How so?" he asked bemusedly.

She smiled and looked up at him.

"For being here with you, of course! Don't be a dummkopf! And, in a few minutes we're gonna find some bomb or something and we can kick the Eva's ass!"

He could not help but laugh.

"I've never known you to be so optimistic."

"That's because you don't know me well enough!"

He sighed.

"I guess not. We should be getting near where I saw that sign…"

He looked around, searching the walls for any sort of marker. He was beginning to suspect that he had imagined it after all when he saw the sign directly in front of him, in large red letters above a medium sized door.

A.T. Field Countermeasures

No Clearance without a Level A Security Card

Trespassers will be shot on sight.

He walked over to the door, and realized with a groan that they could not get in. The power had not gone out in this section of the Geofront, and he still needed a card to enter the room. He searched around, expecting to find nothing, which was, not surprisingly, exactly what he found. He slammed his fist against the door.

"Dammit! How the hell are we supposed to get in now?"

He turned, and Asuka was nowhere to be found.

"What the? Asuka? Where are you?"

She stepped out of the shadows to his left, causing him to jump in shock. She was holding a wire mesh. She turned to the shadows behind her, and Shinji followed her. They had barely walked five feet when they came across a large duct opening halfway up a wall. It was obvious that this was where the grate had come from. He looked at her.

"How did you get the grate off? Don't you need a screwdriver?"

She shrugged.

"It was mostly loose, so I just pulled it off."

He shrugged as well, and turned to the duct. He peered inside. It was pitch dark inside. Her turned to her again hopefully.

"You probably didn't find a flashlight…"

She shook her head. He sighed and began to crawl into the duct.

Shaking her head, she followed him.

Shinji was getting pretty damn sick of hitting his head on the wall of the duct. The duct they were currently in made quite a few 90-degree turns, and at each one he, invariably, hit his head against the duct wall, _hard_. He had lost count after the tenth time he had done this, which he chalked up to brain damage. Every time he hit the duct, Asuka hit him, but, surprisingly, she never yelled at him once. He cocked his head slightly as he crawled through the duct. Was it just him, or was it getting brighter? He put one hand forward and was greeted with nothing but thin air.

"Oh Shi-"

And then he was falling, sliding at an ever-quickening rate down the sharp incline of the duct. Behind him, he heard a sharp gasp, and realized Asuka had fallen too. He noticed with some apprehension that the duct was getting brighter every second. Shinji really hoped that wherever they ended up didn't have a hard floor. Suddenly, the slope ended, and Shinji flew out of the duct and onto the floor. The hard floor. He started to get to his feet, wincing, when Asuka flew out of the pipe and hit him. He was knocked off his feet, cursing angrily. Asuka got to her feet, groaning in pain. Shinji decided not to chance getting up anymore, and Asuka had to pull him to his feet.

"Geez, you don't have to be such a weakling…"

They looked around, surveying the room. Actually, room was a rather kind description. The ceiling had been utterly destroyed in the JSSDF attack, along with most of the wall. Shinji swore when he saw the wreckage of metal on the floor. He swore again when he saw the sign on the wall marking the room as the A.T. Field Countermeasures Storage Facility. Everything in the room was completely and utterly destroyed.

"Dammit!" he yelled, furious.

Something in the shadows moved.

The two Children stopped, frozen in shock as something massive detached from the shadows above them. Asuka moved first, tackling Shinji out of the way as the massive white claw reached for him. It smashed into the ground where he had just stood, crumpling it like a tin can. She dove for the vent, pushing Shinji up in front of her, just as the monster lunged again. Shinji pulled out of his paralysis and began to climb, Asuka behind him. The duct was impossibly steep, and they had a massive amount of trouble just staying in place, let alone moving upwards. They kept moving through sheer terror of what would happen if they slipped. The beast roared in fury and tried to fit its fingers inside the duct. It snagged the back of Asuka's dress, and she screamed, sliding backwards. Shinji lunged back and grabbed her by the front of her uniform, and the part of the uniform the Eva had grabbed ripped, freeing her. They scrambled faster, and were rewarded with the rapidly lessening screams of fury coming from the Evangelion. They crawled back through the pitch-black tunnels, and Shinji was too relieved at their miraculous escape to get upset at the number of times he hit his head on the duct wall. Finally, they reached the end of the tunnels, and Shinji crawled out of the duct. He helped Asuka out behind him, carefully.

"Are you all right, Asuka?" he asked, worried.

She nodded, and began to say something else when the door leading to the A.T. Field Countermeasures room began to buckle and twist. They both whirled as blow after blow pounded on the other side, popping the hinges out one by one. The door began to fold outward, crumpling like paper. They ran without looking back.

The reached their room gasping for air. They had run nearly the whole way, horrified that any moment they would hear the bestial roar of the Evangelion and their lives would end. They walked into the room leaning on each other for support. With almost eerie synchronization, they both crawled into the futon. They could not know accurately what time it was, but NERV's main lights were on a timer in some areas to conserve energy, and the lights shut off at around sunset. The lights were off now. They decided not to get food, though they were hungry. They were still terrified that they would turn a corner and the Eva would be waiting for them, its leering face opened in a horrific grin, and so they decided to postpone going outside for as long as possible. Shinji was still shaking, their lucky escape scaring him more than he would admit.

__

Will we be so lucky next time?

He nearly jumped out of his skin when Asuka put her arms around him. She almost giggled at the look on his face, but found she was too frightened herself.

"It's all right, Shinji," she whispered, "We got away again…"

He smiled weakly, and tentatively put his arms around her.

She smiled back.

"Shinji, I…never mind. Goodnight, Shinji…"

She nuzzled against his neck. He closed his eyes blissfully, and fell into dreams.

Shinji opened his eyes to the sound of the ocean washing up onto the shore. The sky was black above him, the sand beneath him white as snow. He could remember almost nothing, only bits and pieces of Third Impact.

He turned his head, slowly, to his left, scanning the landscape and the blood-red sea. It took his brain a moment to recognize the presence of another on the beach. It took it considerably longer to establish _who_ was lying next to him.

__

Asuka?

His memories began to sharpen. Now he remembered. She had abused him, rejected him. He got to his feet, slowly.

Asuka blinked, coming slowly into reality. Something was around her neck, choking her. She tried to bring her hands up to hit the attacker away, but she was too weak with sleep and lack of oxygen. In the darkness of the room, she could just make out the features of her attacker.

__

Shinji?

She moved her hand up, towards his face.

Shinji stopped dead when her hand brushed his face, caressing his cheek lightly and sliding away. But he only relaxed for a moment. _A trick_, he thought, _Just a trick…_

He began to squeeze again.

Asuka gasped for air, her eyes bulging. He had shrugged of her caress like she had done nothing at all and continued squeezing. With her last bit of air, she spoke.

"Shinji…love you too…I love you…"

He shook his head furiously. His eyes opened for a fraction of a second, but it was enough for her to see that the eyes were rolled up. He was dreaming.

"Too little, too late," he snarled, and squeezed harder.

Asuka began to die.

Shinji saw Asuka's struggles begin to weaken, and he smiled cruelly.

"Stop."

He stopped immediately, his hands loosening around her throat. He looked up. Rei was standing over the water, the bottoms of her shoes inches above the blood red sea. She shook her head slowly.

"You must stop, Ikari. This is a dream, but it is more than that. You are killing Asuka in reality as well."

He smiled viciously.

"So what?"

"You are not yourself, Ikari. Malkiah is using you to accomplish his goals. He is using your shattered memories of Instrumentality to make you kill the Second."

For a moment, confusion flickered across his face. Then he growled at her like an animal and turned back to his work. Asuka was returning to life, her chest moving in hitching gasps. He began to choke her once more, and when she moved her hand towards his cheek again, he backhanded her across the face.

"Stop, Ikari."

He looked up again. Rei was standing directly in front of him, looking down.

He hit her again, harder.

"She does love you, Ikari. She was not lying. Do you not love her?"

He shook his head angrily.

"She doesn't love me. That-bitch-could-never-love-me." He punctuated each word with a slap across Asuka's face. He brought his hand back to hit her again, and Rei grabbed it. Her face was no longer calm, no longer even remotely like her normal self. It was furious.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? I love you too, Ikari. But I knew you would be happier without me. Moreover, I knew that Asuka loved you and needed you. I want what is best for you, Ikari. Killing one of the only girls that had ever loved you is not it. Now break free of Malkiah or damn yourself for all eternity."

He shook his head again, but weakly this time, without conviction.

"She doesn't love me…Nobody could love me…"

"You are wrong, Ikari. If she did not love you, why would she care if you loved her?"

His eyes widened. His mouth opened and closed without making sound.

"She loves you, Ikari. Don't tell me you cannot see that…"

He pulled his hand free from Rei's with a sudden jerk, and grabbed Asuka. Rei moved to stop him, but he did not try to choke her. He held her against him, sobbing into her shoulder.

"Asuka!" he sobbed, "I'm so sorry, Asuka! I'm so sorry!"

"We shall meet again, Ikari." Rei said softly, "And know that I love you as well. Be happy…"

The dream dissolved.

Shinji woke in the same position as he had been in his dream, holding Asuka tight against his chest. For a horrible second he thought she was dead, and then he felt the rise of her chest against his arm. He gently lowered her unconscious body to the ground, still sobbing.

"…so sorry, Asuka…"

His fingers traced her cheek, and he grimaced in horror as he saw the multiple bruises.

_I did that?_ he thought, _I'm a monster_.

He could not leave her, he told himself. He needed to make sure that she was okay, that she hadn't been to badly hurt.

__

Oh really? But didn't you hurt her in the first place? You should slit your wrists and be done with it, you goddamned monster.

He hugged Asuka again, and was rewarded with the sound of her returning to consciousness.

"Wha…Shinji…what happened?" she asked, still groggy from lack of air.

"I did something horrible to you, Asuka. I just want to make sure you're all right, then I'm going to leave so I can't hurt you anymore."

She shook her head slowly, comprehension dawning.

"I remember now… No, please, Shinji, don't leave. It wasn't your fault, you were sleepwalking or something…"

He shook his head angrily.

"Like hell it was! I was trying to kill you…again…"

"Dammit, Shinji! Stop being so goddamn stubborn! Listen to me: _it was not your fault_. For all you know, that monster, Malkiah or whatever his name was, did something to you."

"Why did you say you loved me?" he asked quietly.

She stared at him, shocked by the sudden change in direction.

"You-you heard that?"

He nodded slowly. She turned her head to the side, blushing slightly.

"I-I don't know why I said it… I just…I…"

"Was it true?"

She could not look him in the eye.

"I don't…know…"

He tried to smile, and was surprised that it worked.

"I guess that's all right. You don't have to decide. Listen, Asuka, I'm sor-"  
"Stop saying you're sorry! I…fine, yes, I…love you. Are you happy now, baka?"

His smile widened.

"More than you could know."

He turned away and closed his eyes, leaving a bewildered Asuka staring after him.

"What was that supposed to mean? Hey, baka, wake up! Dammit, don't you dare do this to me! I am the great Asuka Langely Sorh-"

In one swift motion he turned over, grabbed her on either side of the face, and kissed her on the lips. She stared at him, dumbfounded.

"Figured that would shut you up… Goodnight."

He lay down again. Moments later he began to snore. She just sat and stared at his still form. After a moment, she moved over and put her arms around him. Before she went into sleep, she whispered into his ear.

"For your sake, I hope you wake up before me tomorrow, otherwise…well, you might have big balls now, but there's a fire axe down the hall, and that might change before tommorow…"

She was pleased to see the contented look on his sleeping face turn to one of fear.

"Pleasant dreams…" she whispered, and snickered.

Then she went back to sleep.

Shinji woke up quickly, his mind still retaining some fragment of Asuka's threat. He had nothing to worry about, though. She was still asleep, her arms around him, breathing softly. He hugged her tight for a moment, then relaxed his grip.

__

We're going to die.

He accepted the thought without fear. They probably would die, most likely in the next few days. They had escaped the Eva more times than he cared to remember, but each escape was closer, each encounter a brush with death. He accepted the fact of their likely death as well as he could. But it still hurt. Not his death, he had long since accepted that, but hers. He wished there was some way he could protect her, save her, but he knew that was most likely impossible. A single tear escaped his eye, running down his cheek and onto the futon.

__

Why should she die? She's so beautiful…

He decided. He may not be able to protect her if the Evangelion attacked them, but what if he could lure it away? He would leave the Geofront before she could even wake up, and the Eva would follow him, away from her.

_She should be able to survive on her own_, he consoled himself, _she's always been strong_.

He slid out of the futon. More accurately, he tried to. The instant he moved, she moaned something in her sleep and tightened her arms around him, trapping him. He struggled for a moment, trying to break free, but she was too strong. She mumbled something in her sleep. He froze, listening.

"Mama… Can I be happy now, Mama? Without you? I don't know, Mama…" 

His resolve faltered. He could not leave her, even if he wanted to. He did not know what it would do to her. Instead of running, he wiped away his tears and held her as best he could. An eternity later, she finally awoke. She looked up at him, smiling faintly.

"Good morning Shinji. Did you sleep well?"

He nodded faintly, his eyes transfixed by the bruises across her face.

"Listen, Asuka, I'm really so-"

"If you say sorry again, I'll kill you!"

"Sor- Oh-okay, Asuka. But, what I did to you…"

"Shinji, if you think you're the first guy that has tried to choke me to death, than you don't know me as well as you think you do."

"What?"

She giggled, and he stared at her.

"Just kidding, Third Child. Seriously though, Shinji, it wasn't you fault. How many times must I say that?"

He shook his head.

"Wh-whatever you say, Asuka…"

She nodded.

"Of course. I'm the great Asuka Langely Sorhyu!"

He smiled crookedly.

"How could I forget?"  
She smacked him on the arm, lightly.

"And I love you, Third Child, even if you are a baka."  
He gaped at her.

"What?" she asked, "You think I was just saying that? Asuka Langely Sorhyu is a woman of her word! Now, let's go get food! I'm starving!"

He nodded, and crawled quickly out of the sleeping bag and began to stretch, yawning. She followed him, and after stretching herself, they changed. Shinji finished dressing and stepped out of the cubicle, where Asuka was waiting for him. She grabbed him by the shoulders, and kissed him on the lips. Then she ran out of the room, laughing. A minute later, he walked out of the room himself, just dodging the axe.

Over breakfast, they planned their next move.

"What do we do now? The A.T. Field weapons were completely destroyed." Shinji asked, thinking aloud.

She shrugged.

"Your guess is as good as mine. Personally though, I think we should leave."

He stared at her.

"What? It's a good idea! The Eva is down here, so we go up there. We've already searched the whole damn base, and found nothing! I say we leave now, while that thing is still down here."

He nodded, slowly.

"It would be a good idea, but we have no proof that the Eva is still down here. In fact, it may have some way of getting from the surface quickly. If we go out there, we might do nothing more than make ourselves easy targets."

She looked down, her auburn hair spilling over her face.

"Yes, but…well, we have to do something! We can't just sit here like rats in a cage waiting for that thing to catch us!"

He smiled and took her hand in his, gently. She looked up into his eyes.

"I didn't say we shouldn't do it. I was just warning you. I think we should go, as soon as possible. Maybe even today."

She shook her head.

"No, I think we should use today to prepare. We should be careful. The Eva might expect us to run once it knows that we realize it's down here."

He nodded.

"Good idea. We should go look for some sort of weapon. Even a pistol would do. We can't go out there unarmed."

She smiled and stood up, and he stood up with her. They left, faces bright with the thought of freedom.

The search had been moderately successful, as they had found two pistols and a rifle, with plenty of bullets. Shinji had the pistols tucked into either side of his belt, and Asuka had the rifle strapped to her back. The stepped into the room in which they had stayed the past few nights, still smiling with hope. As they walked in, they set their guns against the wall in preparation for the next day. Asuka tapped Shinji on the shoulder, and he turned around. She grabbed him by the face and kissed him hard on the lips, laughing.

"Tommorow we're getting the hell out of here! We're gonna get awa-"

"My, my, my… Can't keep your hands off him, can you?"

The voice had come from the shadows. Shinji and Asuka whirled, both instantly recognizing the voice. Malkiah stepped from the shadows, shaking his black cowled head. His cowl no longer dripped blood, but his face was still covered in darkness.

"The best laid plans of mice and men… or should I say cowards and whores?"

Asuka trembled.

"Don't call me that…" she said quietly, almost too quietly for him to hear.

"What? A whore? A slutty stupid little bitch with a psycho for a mother?" His voice changed in pitch, becoming a hideous parody of a woman's, "Die with me, Asuka, die with me…"

He laughed as Asuka began to sob, shaking with emotion. Shinji was close enough to hear what she said as she sobbed.

"I don't wanna, Mama! I don't wanna die!"

He turned to Malkiah, furious.

"You goddamn bastard! You-"

"So the coward stands up for his little tramp. How utterly shocking! You don't want me to hurt your precious Asuka-chan? You _must_ run away Shinji. Run away while you still can."

He motioned with one hand, and Shinji flew into the wall. He crumpled to the floor, trying desperately to stay conscious. He saw, through a screen of darkness, Malkiah walk towards Asuka. He picked her up with one hand, laughing. With his other hand, he caressed her cheek, wiping away her tears.

"Ooh, my pretty… I am going to enjoy this. Let's see how much of a slut you really are…"

His other hand reached up to tear off her shirt.

Shinji screamed.

He pulled himself away from the wall as Malkiah turned to him. He lunged just as Malkiah raised his hand contemptuously to knock him away. Nothing happened. Malkiah gasped in shock as Shinji continued to lunge, grabbing Asuka and tearing her from his hands.

"You-you little bastard! How did you do that? How dare you take away my toy!"

Shinji was rolling across the floor, towards the rifle leaning against the wall. He was inches away when he just stopped. He floated in air, his fingers inches from the rifle, dumbfounded.

"I knew you couldn't escape me forever, boy."

Malkiah flicked his wrist, and Shinji flew sideways into the wall, dropping Asuka. Stars exploded in front of his eyes. Malkiah strode towards him, chuckling. He stopped a foot away and looked down at Shinji. Though Shinji could not see his face, he knew he must be smiling.

"Nice try, boy, I'll give you that. But now, I'm afraid, the lights go out forever for you. Oh, and don't worry…I'll take good care of sweet Asuka-chan…"

Shinji moaned weakly.

"No…Asuka…"

Malkiah laughed heartily.

"Sweet thing, isn't she? I probably won't get tired of her for hours."

They both heard the sound of a rifle cocking. Malkiah whirled, shocked. Asuka was standing directly behind him, aiming the rifle at his chest.

"Go back to hell," she said simply, and fired.

Bare milliseconds before the bullet hit him, Malkiah exploded into black dust. the bullets hit the wall behind him and ricocheted, missing Asuka by inches. Shinji and Asuka both stared dumbly at the fine black powder that coated the floor where Malkiah had stood. Asuka stepped forward, cautiously. The dust never moved. She stepped towards Shinji, who was trying to get up. She extended her hand, and he took it. He got to his feet and wavered unsteadily for a moment, until she put an arm around his shoulders to support him.

"Is he dead?" Shinji asked quietly.

The dust stirred, and a voice spoke from nowhere and from everywhere.

"Never, Children. Do you think you could kill a god?"

The voice came from the dust lying on the floor. They both stared in shock as it began to swirl as if caught in a tornado. The voice spoke again, ancient and unmistakably furious.

"You goddamned little _bastards_! This world is mine! Why must you try to keep it from me? You will pay in spades for this, Children. I was going to make it quick, Children, but now you are going to suffer for an _eternity_!"

The dust swirled faster and faster, until finally, with one last horrible laugh, it blew out of the room.

Shinji and Asuka stared after it. Then Shinji walked slowly to the door and closed it. He rested his back against it, closing his eyes. When he opened them again, Asuka was standing there, holding out her arm. He gratefully took it, and together, they walked back to the futon. They slid under the covers, relaxing in their warmth. Asuka looked at Shinji, and began to sob again. Shinji put his arms around her, and held her to his chest as she sobbed.

"Don't cry, Asuka. That bastard…he's gone now…"

She looked up at him, tears glistening in the light.

"Do you still love me? Even though I'm a…a…"

He smiled, and kissed her softly on the lips.

"Of course, Asuka. I love you, and I always will."

She smiled happily, and tried to hold back the sobs.

"Thank…thank you. I love you, too…"

He held her, trying to hold back his own tears. She buried her face into his chest and held him. He held her back, smiling fiercely, protectively. Minutes later, the lights went out, but they were already asleep.

"Isn't the day beautiful, Shinji?"

The voice was Yui Ikari's. She, Shinji and Asuka were sitting together on a green hillside. Asuka was fast asleep, half-laying on top of Shinji. Before them was a beautiful view of Tokyo-3, shrouded in mist and completely unharmed.

"Mother?"

She turned to him, her face kind.

"Yes, Shinji. It is nice to see you again. It had been a while."

"But, mother, aren't you…gone?"

"You underestimate the power of the Evangelion."

"How could I?"

She chuckled.

"It is so nice to see you happy again, Shinji. I don't think you've been truly happy since I died…"

He lowered his head.

"I guess not…" he brightened, "But now I've got Asuka…"

Yui nodded.

"She's a lovely girl, more so for what she's been through. I'm glad you could find someone that makes you so happy. To love is truly one of the greatest feelings man can ever have."

"Mother?" he asked, trembling. "Does Asuka really love me? Or is she just…just…"

Yui smiled.

"You do not think yourself worthy of her love? She does love you, Shinji. You, along with the entire world, were brought together by Instrumentality. Because of this, she saw into your soul, Shinji. She saw that you cared for her, and it changed her…is still changing her."

"I…I guess… But…"

"She is not the Asuka you know?"

He nodded, slowly.

'Does that matter? You are not the same person either."

"Why have you come here, mother?"

She seemed not at all perturbed by the change in direction. "To see how you were doing, and to offer my help. You were lucky to survive Malkiah, Shinji. Incredibly lucky. But now, perhaps, you see what Rei was talking about, the strength of your soul…"

He shook his head, slowly, and her face became grave.

"You will, Shinji, you will. And the truth will either set you free, or tear your soul asunder."

Shinji began to speak, but then Asuka moved against him, speaking in her sleep, her face drawn and sad.

"Mama? Mama, where are you?"

Yui raised one hand and brushed a lock of auburn hair from Asuka's face.

"Right here, Asuka, I'm right here."

And for a moment the voice was not his mother's. It was the voice of a woman he did not recognize, kindly and soft. Asuka smiled in her sleep, and put her arms around Shinji.

"Mama…" she said contentedly.

A tear rolled down Shinji's cheek.

"She's going to die, mother, and there's nothing I can do…"

Yui brushed his tear away, smiling.

"Not all is preordained, Shinji. You cannot predict the future."

Slowly, she began to fade.

"Mother? Why are you leaving, mother?"

She shook her head sadly.

"I have no choice, Shinji. I will see you again. Protect Asuka, Shinji, but protect yourself as well. You are as worthy of living as she is. I love you, Shinji…"

She faded, leaving Shinji and Asuka alone on the hillside. Shinji put his arms around Asuka and kissed her lightly on the forehead.

"I love you too, mother…"

The dream dissolved.

Shinji woke up, blinking sleepily. He gently moved Asuka's arms aside, and crawled out of the futon. He changed quickly, then walked to the wall where they had placed the guns. He gave them a final check. They all seemed to be in good condition, so he grabbed the pistols and shoved them in his belt. He carried the rifle over, and placed it next to Asuka. Then he began to gently shake her awake.

"Asuka…Asuka, wake up…"

She pushed him sleepily away.

"Don't wanna get up. Wanna stay here…"

She turned over, pulling the covers over herself. He sighed, then turned her over and kissed her hard on the lips. She struggled against him, but he held still, holding her against him. With a final desperate shove, she pushed him away. She crawled out from beneath the covers and hit him on the arm.

"Baka Hentai! That is not how you wake someone up!"

He smiled crookedly.

"It worked, didn't it? We need to go, Asuka. The sooner we get out of this place, the better."

She nodded, rubbing the back of her arm across her lips.

"You're still a hentai."  
She grabbed a change of clothes and walked into one of the many cubicles along the side of the room. While she changed, Shinji checked his pistols once more, checking to see if they were loaded correctly. They were, so he put them back in his belt. He looked up, straight into the barrel of the rifle. He screamed, falling backwards. Asuka lowered the gun, laughing.

"That was for kissing me without permission, baka!"

"You don't need to ask permission to kiss!"

"You do with me." She hooked the rifle strap across he chest, and still laughing, extended her hand. He took it and stood up, glaring at her.

"There's no need to be angry, Third Child. Fine, I give you permission to kiss me."

He grinned evilly.

"Maybe I don't want to."

"What? You dare refuse the beautiful Asuka Langely Sorhyu? Fine then, you don't have a choice!"

She yanked him forward by the front of the shirt and kissed him on the lips. He mock struggled, but she held the kiss. Finally, she broke away, smiling.

"Now we can leave, Third Child."

They did.

They walked into the sun, smiling and holding hands. It had taken them several hours to find stairs leading to the surface, as all the elevators they had found had been sabotaged in the JSSDF attack, but in the end, they had finally exited the Geofront. The sun felt wonderful on their faces, and for a moment they just closed their eyes and looked up, smiling. When they opened their eyes again, they took their bearings. The exit they had taken from the Geofront was near a large cluster of buildings, many partially destroyed. They walked into the jungle of concrete and metal apprehensively, realizing that if the Evangelion wished to ambush them, it would probably be here. As they walked further into the city, they realized the light was fading, the day rapidly becoming night. Apparently it had taken them longer than they had originally thought to escape from the Geofront. They found a small park an hour into their hike, and they called for a temporary rest break. They both sat down on a bench, relieved at a chance to finally stop walking, if only for a moment. Shinji closed his eyes and lay down, sighing with pleasure. A moment later, Asuka lay on top of him and put her arms around him.

"Finally out of the stupid Geofront…" she muttered, and he smiled.

He opened his eyes and the smile disappeared like it had never been there in the first place.

Flying high above them, circling like a vulture, was the horrific white form of the Evangelion. As he watched, slack jawed in horror, the Eva folded its wings and dived, roaring in hatred. He grabbed Asuka and rolled off the bench, praying that he would be out of the path of the Eva. One of his pistols fell out of his belt and was crushed a second later as the Eva's right foot smashed into the ground mere feet away, sending chunks of earth in all directions. Shinji and Asuka got to their feet and began to run, frantically hoping that they would not be noticed until they could reach some sort of shelter. No such luck. A massive white fist smashed down directly in front of them, barring their exit. A flying chunk of earth scraped a path down Shinji's left cheek. They turned, but the Eva was already there, looming over them. Its face split in a grotesque smile, and it shot one fist towards them, incredibly quick. They screamed, holding their hands in front of them in a futile attempt to ward off death. At the last second, Shinji grabbed Asuka and kissed her hard, hoping to die happy.

A moment passed, and death did not come. Shinji cracked open one eye, cautiously. The Eva was standing above them, roaring in fury, his fist pressed up against an orange octagonal wall of power. It was instantly familiar, and Shinji gasped in shock. It was an A.T. Field.

To be continued…

Boy, I bet I've made a lot of enemies this chapter! Woo-boy! Well, this tale is winding down to a close, and we have but one more book before the end. Of course, then there's the epilogue. Also of course, I have some ideas for a sequel. Not very good ideas, but then again…I…I don't know how to finish that sentence. Malkiah is one sick fuck, ain't he? Trying to rape 14-year-olds and all. Well, write what you know… Oh shit, that sounds bad. Moving on, the next book shall be titled Resurrection of Evangelion.

Now, an Essay on Evangelion. All four of you that still are reading these after the last one, I will extend my usual warning. FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST, DON'T READ IT! If you thought that my opinion of Asuka and Shinji was obnoxious and egotistical, wait until you read this. It's about darkfics. Yup, darkfics. I just lost you, didn't I? I'm just writing to myself, aren't I? Good, it'll save you guys brain damage. Seriously though, if you dislike or just downright hate my essays, then please just don't read them. They are not an essential part of my story in any way, just a kind of half-assed omake. Don't let them detract from your enjoyment of the story. It will do that on its own.

An Essay on Evangelion

Part 3

Attention (almost) all writers of darkfics: I hate you as much as you hate yourselves. I mean, you would have to hate yourself and everything living to write this stuff, wouldn't you? Unfortunately, I have read a lot of darkfics, and I have been permanently scarred. Seriously though, have you ever read a darkfic and felt good afterwards? How could you? Shinji goes crazy and kills people, usually either himself or Asuka (sometimes Misato. I mean she's in the same apartment, so what the hell, three for the price of one, right?), Asuka commits suicide, everyone just plain dies for some stupid reason. Who the fuck actually _wants_ to read this stuff, let alone write it? I mean, whatever happened to all the good people out there? I realize an absurdly happy ending can be irritating, but seriously, what is the point of good losing? What is the point of everything being for nothing? An unhappy ending may be original, but that is like saying baking a baby rotisserie style is original. I understand that everyone reading this will just think I'm narrow-minded and naïve, and that is certainly true, but remember this: _They are just children_. Nobody on Earth deserves what you heap on Evangelion so profusely, even a fiction. And while Evangelion is not real, that is no excuse to kill every in it. What you write is what you are, because you write for yourself. What you write is what you think and believe. It is your most innermost thoughts and (dare I say) desires. In other words, you would not write it if you did not like it. Now, the thing about darkfics: They are not badly written in most cases; in fact darkfiction is usually written very well. And therein lies the problem: Why don't you use your talents for something good and enjoyable? Do any of you care at all about Shinji or Asuka or Rei or Misato? I already established that I loved them and am thus a fucking lunatic, but doesn't anyone at least _like_ them?

I realize that not everyone who writes this stuff is just depressed and spiteful. Some people write it just to get it out of their system. Well, anyone who does that, listen carefully: _Write it, but never post it_. If you post it, you just depress other people as well, but if you just write it, print it out, and burn it, then at least you don't depress other people. And hey, maybe you cheer yourself up, too. For all you guys who just kill Shinji and everybody else because you're depressed, I have a solution as well: Remove yourself from the mortal coil. In other words, if life is so miserable you can't take it anymore, then just get a gun and erase yourself. Good luck in the next life. Seriously though, don't post it. You're just transferring your depression, and that's just plain selfish. So think about this the next time you write a darkfic; _there is no point to life if good loses_, _even in something as insignificant as a story_. If evil will win in the end, what is the point of existing? There is none.

Send all comments, criticisms, and flames (gonna get a lot of these) to


	4. Resurrection of Evangelion

This is probably my most gruesome chapter. Viewer discretion advised. Oh, and don't expect a wonderful ending that blows away everything I've done so far. I tried, but I probably failed.

No, make that definitely failed.

Rage Against the Dying of the Light/Everybody Needs Somebody

Book Four

Resurrection of Evangelion

_Things need not have happened to be true.  
Tales and dreams are the shadow-truths  
that will endure when mere facts are dust  
and ashes, and forgot.  
_-Dream

"Sandman"

__

Mama, take this badge from me

I can't use it anymore

Getting dark, too dark to see

Feels like I'm knocking on heaven's door

-Guns 'n' Roses

"Knocking on Heaven's Door"

_Though they go mad,  
they shall be sane  
Though they sink through  
the sea, they shall rise again  
Though lovers be lost,  
love shall not  
And death shall have no dominion. _  
-Dylan Thomas

"Death Shall Have No Dominion"

__

Do not go gentle into that good night.  
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight  
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,  
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.  
And you, my father, there on the sad height,  
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.  
Do not go gentle into that good night.  
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

-Dylan Thomas

"Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night"

__

He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts.

-Steven King

"IT"

__

So it was written, and so it shall be. Let the ceremony of undying begin…

The Evangelion howled in fury. So close, it had been so close! He had done everything his master had told him, he had followed his master's orders exactly. But then, somehow, those bastard Children had fooled him again, had tricked him once more. Impossibly, they had formed an A.T. Field, had stopped him when he was moments away from finally ending their puny lives. It enraged him, drove him wild with fury. He pounded his fists against the A.T. Field again and again, screaming in rage, but it held strong. He could see the Children through the orange light of the A.T. Field. They were mocking him, pretending they were frightened just to taunt him. With another roar of absolute hatred, it slammed both fists down on the A.T. Field. With a tearing sound, they punched through, slamming into the ground mere feet in front of the Children. He stood there, shocked, as the Children began to run. He would have continued to stand there in disbelief had not a voice spoken in his head, the voice of his master.

_Fool!_ it cried, _They are getting away! _

He snapped out of his shock and began to run, following the Children in long, loping strides. He covered the distance easily, and as he ran, he smiled in anticipation. It reached one hand out to grab them, roaring in victory.

They disappeared.

He stopped, eyes wide in fury and shock. There was a large hole in the ground where the Children had been. Nothing but a thrice-damned hole! He screamed to the heavens, venting his hatred and rage for all the world to hear. Several buildings nearby collapsed, but he was beyond caring. The voice spoke again, commanding.

__

Calm yourself, my pretty! They have gotten away, but that is of no consequence. The ceremony begins already! Here is what you must do…

He cocked one head to the side, listening to a voice only he could hear. Slowly, ever so slowly, he began to smile.

Asuka came to slowly, her head aching. All she could remember was running, then the ground falling out from under them, then nothing but darkness. She turned her head to the side, and was greeted by the sight of Shinji sitting on a pile of concrete beside her. He looked down at her warmly.

"You all right? You've been out for a while…"

She shook her head, but this only resulted in more pain.

"Wh-where are we?"

He looked around, then sighed.

"I have no idea. All I know is that we fell down a hole. Apparently, we got lucky again, because I don't see the Eva anywhere…"

She tried to get up, and he got to his feet to help her. She shook her head.

"Don't. I-I can get up on my own. I don't need your help…"

She saw the hurt look on his face and relented, putting an arm around his shoulder for support.

When she finally gained her feet, she looked up. It was dark, but she could just make out the outline of a hole quite a ways above them. But something was wrong about the hole. It was too…perfect. She turned to Shinji.

"Shinji?"

He looked up as well.

"I know. I was wondering about that, too. I don't think the Eva caused that hole. I think we did."

She stared at him.

"With an A.T. Field, I mean."

She opened her mouth to speak again, but nothing came out. He shook his head.

"No, I don't know how we could possibly make an A.T. Field. Thinking about it made my head hurt, so I stopped after a while."

He smiled.

"It's getting kind of late, and I figured it would be a bad idea to sleep in the open with the Eva still around, so I looked around for some shelter." He cocked a thumb behind him "There is a room back there that had a couple of blankets, so I made a bed as best I could."

She continued to stare straight ahead. He chuckled, then put an arm around her shoulder and directed her to the room. He led her into the room and tucked her between the musty sheets. Then he got up and turned to leave.

"Shinji? Where are you going?"

He turned back and smiled gently.

"I've slept a little already. Plus, we need a guard to make sure the Eva doesn't attack again. Don't worry, I'll be right outside."

"When did I say I was worried?"

He laughed, and then turned and left the room. She turned on her side and tried to get to sleep as best she could. It was a long time coming, and a single thought followed her into her dreams

__

An A.T. Field?

"How do you feel knowing you killed him?"

Asuka opened her eyes. She was sitting on a chair in the center of a large spotlight. Her arms were tied behind her back. She searched the shadows around her, looking for whoever had spoken.

"What are you talking about?"

Something detached from the shadows and stepped forwards. It was Malkiah.

"How do you feel knowing that you are going to be responsible for Shinji's death?"

She struggled against her bonds.

"What the hell are you talking about? If you touch Shinji, I will kill you!"

He both hands in front of him, pantomiming innocence.

"I never said I would kill Ikari. You are going to do that for me. Well, at least he'll think it's you."

With that his cloak began to merge and twist, forming into an entirely new shape. When the transformation was complete, a young red-haired girl stood in front of her. Asuka gaped in shock. Malkiah laughed, his voice an exact duplicate of hers.

"I'm the great Asuka Langely Sorhyu! I'm a stupid whore, and today I'm going to kill Shinji Ikari!"

Asuka lowered her head and began to cry. Malkiah laughed again.

"I'm glad you like it. Well, now I have business to attend to. Don't worry, Asuka, I'll make it very, very slow. I'll make him scream your name, Asuka. I'll make it scream it as he dies."

He faded away, leaving a sobbing Asuka struggling to break free. She shook her head, tears spilling from her eyes.

"Shinji! Godammit, no!"

The ropes fell free of her hands. She whirled around, shocked. Kaji stood there, holding a knife and the remains of the rope. He tossed the ropes contemptuously aside, and smiled wryly.

"You'd better get going, Asuka. You may still be able to save him."

She hugged him fiercely, and the dream dissolved.

Shinji leaned up against the wall and looked up at the stars above. He was so entranced, he hardly noticed Asuka until she was already beside him.

"What are you doing, Shinji?"

He jumped, shocked.

"Jesus, Asuka! Don't do that to me!"

She giggled, her hand over her mouth. Soon, Shinji found himself laughing as well.

"Sorry, Shinji."

He shook his head.

"It's all right, Asuka. I was…I was just looking at the stars."

She grabbed his hand gently in hers.

"Mind if I look with you?"  
He blushed, then shook his head.

"N-no, Asuka."

Her face turned grave.

"Shinji have you seen…anything strange around here?"

He shook his head slowly, and she smiled.

"Good."

Then she tore off his arm.

Asuka awoke to the sounds of screaming. _No!_ she thought, _I'm too late! _She jumped out of the makeshift bed and out the door, screaming in horror. Her eyes widened in shock at the sight that greeted her. Lying on the floor, in a widening pool of blood, was Shinji Ikari. Blood was splattered all over the walls and floor, dripping from every available surface, running in lazy streams in all directions. She wondered for one brief sickening instant how one person could possibly have so much blood in their body. Then she ran forward, shrieking. She grabbed him in her arms and felt for a pulse desperately. It was there, but it was weak, incredibly weak. His eyes fluttered open.

"Asuka? Wh…why?"

She shook her head fiercely.

"It wasn't me, Shinji, it was Malkiah! It was…it was…"

Shinji nodded.

"I thought so. I knew…I knew you wouldn't do that…" He coughed, and blood spurted from his mouth. She looked at the ruin of his body, sobbing. Both arms were missing, and his legs were twisted at horrible angles.

"Shinji?" she sobbed, "Are you going to die?"

He nodded, and it was an effort.

"I'm sorry, Asuka… Just know that I lov-"

From out of nowhere a foot stepped on his head and crushed it, ending his life instantly. Asuka looked up in shock. Malkiah was standing there, still in Asuka's guise. He reached down with one hand and wiped the brains from his shoe.

"Sorry, but I just can't stand deathbed speeches! That baka needed to just die anyway!"

He laughed, and instantly reverted back to his normal self. Asuka stared at him, uncomprehending.

"Shinji?" she choked out, "Shinji?"

He laughed merrily.

"Dead, just like your mama! Just like everyone who you've ever loved!"

She broke down sobbing, squeezing the shattered remains of Shinji's body to her chest.

Malkiah reached for her, still laughing. Instantly, an A.T. exploded into life and knocked him away.

"What the hell?" he hissed. "How can this be?"

She continued to sob, holding Shinji against her. He started forward again, but once more the A.T. Field shoved him back. He hissed in rage and stepped back.

"This cannot be happening! This is my moment of triumph!"

He pushed all of his power against the A.T. Field, but it held firm. Asuka never even looked up, so lost was she in grief. With a final desperate hiss of fury, he disappeared.

"I will be back, child! And you will join him in death!"

Asuka did not stop crying for a long time. When, finally, her last tear was spent, she kissed Shinji's ruined lips one final time, and stood up. She looked down over him and wiped away the rest of her tears.

"I-I'll kill the bastard, Shinji… I'll kill him for you…" She sobbed one final time. "Then…then I'm going to…join you… I-I love you, Shinji."

She walked away slowly, her eyes burning with fury.

Shinji came slowly into consciousness. He was in a room he found very familiar. It was the room he had frequented so often as an Eva pilot.

"The…hospital?" he thought aloud.

"Yes, Ikari."

He turned his head, startled. Rei Ayanami was sitting beside his hospital bed, her face nearly as expressionless as always, save for a small smile that graced her lips.

"Wh-what happened, Ayanami? I thought I was dead?"

"You were, Ikari, and still are."

His eyes widened.

"A-Asuka?"

"She is safe. For the moment."

He nodded, his face troubled.

"But…why am I here?"

She lowered her head.

"You are…to kill Malkiah…"

He stared at her.

"What are you talking about?"

"You are to kill Malkiah."

"But-but how?"

"That is not for me to know, it is for you to discover."

He slumped.

"But we've already shot him. It didn't do anything!"

"I do not know, Ikari. But I believe that is because you tried to kill him in the world of the living. This is his world, Ikari, the world of the dead. Perhaps, here he is mortal…"

Shinji shook his head. She put a hand gently on his shoulder.

"It does not matter, Ikari. You will do what you must, when you must. You can do no less."

He smiled, but it was pained.

"Ayanami…you said you loved me. What did you mean?"

She looked away.

"I meant what I said. I…did it bother you?"

He shook his head violently.

"Of course not! I…just…"

"You love another. I have already accepted that." As she spoke, they both knew it was a lie.

"You're lying!"

She looked at him.

"I…maybe I am…"

He took her hand in his.  
"I…am sorry, Rei. I would never hurt you…"

"You need not worry, Ikari. I do love you, but I would never be so selfish as to take you from her. Love is more than that. If you are happy…then so am I…"

Ayanami got up and began to walk towards the door.

"Where are you going?" he asked, startled.

She turned back to him and smiled.

"Let us leave it at that, Ikari. The Secon-Asuka…is truly blessed…"

He smiled sadly.

"It doesn't matter anymore… I'm dead, remember…"

She walked over and slapped him across the face, hard. He stared in shock.  
"Do you honestly think that could possibly matter? Your soul is stronger than that. Love cannot be stopped by something so inconsequential as death…"

She smiled a final time, and walked out of the room, leaving a gaping Shinji staring in her wake.

The door swung slowly closed. It shut, and the world dissolved. Shinji closed his eyes in nausea as the world twisted about him, fusing and merging until it felt like his body would be rent apart. Then, with shocking suddenness, it stopped. He opened his eyes, slowly. He was standing on a ledge in the late afternoon sun, looking out over Tokyo-3. To his right side was Misato, resting her elbows on the railing.

"Isn't it beautiful, Shinji?" she said sadly, "I remember the first time we came here… You were just a child then. You've grown, Shinji…"

He shook his head.

"I haven't changed, Misato. I've just found better lies to live behind."

She turned to him.

"Such as?"

"Well…I…"

"Asuka loves you. So does Rei. So do I. Where is the lie, Shinji?"

He shook his head angrily.

"You don't understand!"

"Yes I do, Shinji. I understand perfectly. You're running away again."

He stared at her.

"Have you given up already Shinji? You can kill Malkiah, Shinji. You are the only one that can."

He lowered his head.

"But…Asuka…"

She snorted, and turned back to look at the sunset.

"Who would have thought? Love is a surprising thing, Shinji. You can save her, you know. You can save yourself as well. Just stop running away."  
"What makes you think I can?"

"If you run away, what do you think will happen to Asuka? She will probably kill the Eva as she has sworn to do. Then of course, she'll kill herself."

"No…"

"Yes, Shinji. When you run away, you never see what follows in your wake. Kill Malkiah, Shinji."

She reached into her jacket and pulled out her pistol. She handed it to him and he took it blankly.

"This is all I have to give you Shinji. Use it when you need to, and you will be surprised what it can do."

She grabbed him by either side of the head and kissed him on the lips. The kiss lasted a long time, and when she finally broke it, Shinji was nearly gasping for breath.

"We won't do the rest when you come back, Shinji. You've got Asuka for that."

He blushed and she giggled, putting her arm around his shoulders.

The sun faded from the horizon, and so did the world.

The nausea hit again, and he doubled over from the force of it, his eyes squeezed shut in pain.

The pain stopped, but he refused to open his eyes. Opening his eyes hurt too.

"For someone who hates pain so much, you sure do get a lot of it, don't you, Shinji?"

He recognized the voice. He opened his eyes, and he was standing in front of Kaji's melon patch. Kaji was beside him, watering the melons. He turned to Shinji and smiled roguishly.

"It is nice to see you again, Shinji."

Shinji nodded, smiling. Then he realized with some surprise that he still had the gun. He held it up into the light. Then, slowly, he placed it into his belt.

"Nice of Misato to give you that. Not sure how well it will work, but anything is worth a try."

"Kaji, I…"

"Don't know what to do next? Don't worry, Shinji, you don't have a choice."

He turned to Kaji incredulously.

"Anyway, Shinji, I'm afraid I have nothing to give you, except some advice. The measure of a man is not only in his actions, but also in his thoughts. And your thoughts are more pure than you may think." He paused. "On a more personal note, Asuka loves rubies. She once told me that when I married her, she wanted me to buy her the biggest ruby in the world."

Shinji's face reddened.

"Wha-what do you mean by that?"

Kaji smiled innocently.

"Just preparing for the future. You're a lucky boy, Shinji Ikari. For Asuka to love you like that is an incredible thing. Maybe I should be jealous."

Shinji smiled.

"Don't worry, Shinji. You will see her again. Once you do this one, final, thing."

The world faded again, and Shinji once more found himself twisting through reality. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the spinning stopped. A voice spoke.

"Jeez, Kensuke, what do you think happened to him?"  
"Dunno. Maybe Demon-Girl punched him again."

Shinji opened his eyes, shocked.

He was sitting around a campfire. Touji and Kensuke were sitting on either side of him, smiling.

"What are you guys doing here?"

They laughed.

"You think you could go off and get your ass kicked by some super-monster without us saying goodbye first?"

He smiled.

"I guess not."

Their faces suddenly turned serious.

"You've betrayed us again, Shinji Ikari."

"Wh-what are you talking about?"

"You actually fell in love with Demon-Girl." Touji said gravely, "Why, Shinji? Did she promise you candy? Because if she did, then she's _lying_." He pointed an accusing finger at Shinji.

Shinji laughed.

"It's nothing like that, guys. She's just…changed…"

"Had sex yet?"

Shinji's mouth dropped open.

"Wha-wha-wh-w-"

They shook their heads.

"Sad, Shinji, just sad. What kind of a man are you?"  
"You don't understand…"

They smiled warmly.

"We understand perfectly, Shinji, and we're proud." Kensuke said, smiling.

"We just joking with ya, Shinji. You and the Dem-Asuka, I think you'll do just fine."

They both slapped him on the back simultaneously, nearly knocking him into the fire.

And the world dissolved into endless black. This time, however, it was different. This time, there was no pain, only a gentle warmth that sunk into his very being. He looked around, surprised, as a light formed in the darkness and came towards him.

"Mother?"  
It was. She stopped in front of him, her body wreathed in light.

"Hello, Shinji. It is time. Have you said your good-byes?"

He nodded, trying to stop himself from trembling in fear. She reached for him and slowly caressed his cheek.

Do not worry, Shinji. You will succeed. You must succeed."

"Mother?" he asked, "What is Malkiah?"

She smiled sadly.

"He is our failure."

The world dissolved one final time.

Asuka spit into the crater that marked the footstep of an Evangelion.

"Godammit!" she snarled, furious.

In the days that had followed Shinji's death, Asuka had changed, and not for the better. She had become like an animal, never changing her clothes, never stopping except to eat and sleep, and even then for as little time as possible. Shinji's death had, for all intents and purposes, broken her. Now she existed for the sole purpose of killing the Evangelion. She had surmised that killing the Evangelion would bring Malkiah, and when he came, she would simply kill him. Well, simply wasn't the word. She would tear him apart, piece by piece. She smiled, her face savage and brutal. Then she continued walking, her goal within reach. For better or worse, her path was set. The thought of how she would kill the Evangelion when she finally found him had scarcely crossed her mind. All she knew was that she would bathe in his blood.

Shinji opened his eyes. He was lying in his old room, the one he had stayed in while he had lived with Misato and Asuka. But now the room he had frequented so often had become nearly unrecognizable. The walls were crumbling, the ceiling partially collapsed. For all appearances, the room had not been touched for a long, long, time. He got to his feet, his features clouded with confusion and wariness. He stepped over a massive chunk of rubble and out into the hall. The hall was, amazingly, in even worse shape than the rest of the house. The floor twisted at an insane angle, and the far wall was little more than a chunk of fused wood. He walked down the hall as best he could, stepping over the strewn debris. As he passed Asuka's room, he was startled to hear sobbing. He knocked on the door, worried. The sobbing stopped. From the other side of the door, there was the sound of something falling to the floor. To Shinji, it sounded like a corpse hitting the ground. A voice spoke, a hideous parody of Asuka's.

"Not quite…"

It sounded dead and horrible, but still, underneath, Shinji could hear Asuka. He could hear the girl, the woman, he loved, and thus he did not run. The door opened.

Something hot and wet splashed on Shinji's leg. It took a moment for him to realize that he had just pissed in his pants. Asuka stood at the door, or, rather, what Asuka would have looked like had she been dead for years. Her skull was partially caved in, exposing the rotten meat of the brain within. Her arms and legs held on by clumps of tissue, and a massive hole was carved in her chest that let Shinji see into the room behind her. One eye was gone, but the remaining one, bloodshot and bulging, rolled up to meet him. He tried to scream in horror, but it was torn from his throat as she lunged forward and hugged him. One arm tore from her body due to the sudden movement.

"Shinji!" she cried, her voice garbled and simpering. "I've missed you, Shinji!"

Now the shrieks came, tearing up from his lungs again and again. He pulled himself from her grip and screamed again and again. She looked at him sadly, then smiled. A swarm of maggots crawled from her mouth.

"Just playing hard to get, aren't you, Shinji-kun?"

He ran, heedless of the dangerous rubble sticking from the wall and the floor. Countless times he was nearly impaled, but he moved at the last second, escaping with only a scratch. Behind him, he could hear Asuka's harsh breaths as she came after him, sobbing once more. He entered the kitchen and caught only a glimpse of Misato, her corpse swarming with flies. One glimpse was enough. He smashed into the door, tearing it from its hinges, and ran out into the night. He ran, long after he ran out of breath. When he finally collapsed to the ground, too weary to run any more, he found himself in front of a building he found far too familiar. It was his school, now crumbling and decrepit. He lay on the concrete for a moment, gasping for breath, the images of his nightmare home still fresh in his mind. After a long time, he stumbled to his feet. He walked forward, towards the school. He stopped in front of the doors, his nerve suddenly gone. Then he pushed them open and stepped into the shadows.

Asuka smiled. The Eva, her quarry, lay right before her. She was hiding in the rubble of what had once been a supermarket, waiting for the prey she knew would come. She was not disappointed. Scarce moments after she had found her hiding spot and begun to wait, the Evangelion had stepped from the shadows of the ruined building across from her. Now she shifted a little, ready to lunge. The Evangelion stepped further into the light and sniffed the air like an animal. She waited, her body twitching with anticipation. Then he stepped full into the light, and she lunged. She stood up and raised her hands in front of her, willing her A.T. Field into life. Nothing happened. She snarled, and concentrated harder. The Evangelion stepped forward, anticipating an easy kill. Finally, she brought the field into existence, and the Eva stopped, curious. It reached one hand forward tentatively, and pressed against the A.T. Field. It gave easily, collapsing into nothingness. Asuka had gone too long without food or rest, and it had taken its toll. She fell to her knees, her energy sapped. The Eva smiled, then moved forward.

The drums were getting louder. Shinji had been hearing them for minutes now, strange tribal beats that whispered of horrors unimaginable. He realized now that he should have brought a flashlight, as the halls were far too dark to find anything, and he was spending more time than he wished to searching fruitlessly. He was heading towards the auditorium now, as that was the largest place in the school, and would be best for… His train of thought slipped from him, and he found himself wondering once more what had made him enter this godforsaken place in the first place. He stepped in something slick and wet, and his feet slipped out from under him. He hit the ground, wincing. His eyes bulged in horror. Across the hallway was the smeared remainder of a message written in blood. The final letter was smudged by his shoe, but still perfectly legible.

Last chance, boy.

He got to his feet, trembling in horror. He could see before him, nearly lost in the shadows, the shattered remains of the door leading to the auditorium. A trickle of light spilled from them, and beyond, he could hear the drums beating. He stepped over the blood-scrawled message and into the auditorium.

"I'll never lose! Not to the likes of you!" Asuka snarled, and spat at the approaching Evangelion. He simply smiled, and extended his hand to grab her. Her A.T. Field flared into life around her, weak and flickering. The smile never left the Evangelion's face. He placed his hand around the barrier that surrounded her and began to squeeze.

The strength left Shinji's body in a rush and he crumpled to his knees. In the center of the auditorium was large table. On that table lay the spread-eagled and eviscerated corpse of Rei Ayanami. Around it stood the members of his class, leering at her dead body and shouting insults. Some had drums, which they were playing in beat to something Shinji did not recognize or ever want to. Some were carrying crude spears formed from sticks. They jabbed at Rei's body with the spears, spilling blood. Shinji screamed in rage, and they turned to face him, their faces contorting in hate. Shinji lunged forward, and tore a spear from the nearest classmate, his gun forgotten. He snarled in hatred and jabbed at the approaching mob. They never stopped. The first was impaled on Shinji's spear, but there were more, and soon they began to drag him down, foregoing the spears in favor of sheer brute force. Suddenly, they stopped, their faces filled with fear. As one, they backed away from him and turned to the stage, falling to their knees. The stage was covered in darkness, and it began to twist and warp, forming something dark and hideous. Malkiah stepped from the shadows, chuckling.

"Well, Shinji, how nice to have you here. I see you've ignored my warning?"

Shinji remembered the gun and pulled it from his belt. Malkiah snorted in contempt.

"You honestly think that will work, boy?"

Shinji pointed the gun at Malkiah, his grip wavering. About him, the crowd began to move, but Malkiah stopped them with a motion of his hand.

"Do you like this world, Shinji Ikari? This existence?"

The gun lowered. Shinji stared at Malkiah, confused.

"What?"

Malkiah gasped mockingly.

"You mean she never told you? Anything?"

Shinji shook his head.

"Instrumentality failed, Shinji Ikari. But SEELE had no idea of what the consequences of that failure would be. It split the world, divided it into thousands of realities, thousands of states of being. You were the tool to bring about Instrumentality, and so it took your deepest, darkest desires and formed them into different versions of the world. This is one of your sick little fantasies, boy!"

Shinji gasped in shock, and the gun nearly fell from his grip.

"You are a sick little bastard, Shinji Ikari."

Shinji screamed in fury and fired the gun. The bullet tore into Malkiah's robe, splashing blood all over the stage. The mob of students roared in hatred and rushed towards him, but he was already moving, jumping onto the stage. He ran to Malkiah, who lay gasping on the ground in a pool of blood.

"H-how?" Malkiah asked, his voice shocked.

He leveled the gun at Malkiah and shrugged.

"Damned if I know. Now go back to hell."

"Wait!" Malkiah screamed, and Shinji stopped. So did the mob, struck by the terror in his voice. "You don't understand who I am! If you kill me, she won't love you anymore! You-"

Shinji fired, the gun bucking in his hands. The bullet disintegrated inches from Malkiah. He fired again and again, screaming in fury, but the bullets never even got close. The gun stopped firing, empty. He stared at it, his eyes dazed and uncomprehending. Malkiah began to laugh.

"I guess it was a lucky shot, boy. Now, you die." He motioned, and the mob moved forwards, screaming for blood. Shinji closed his eyes, not wanting to see what was going to happen to him. In his mind's eye he saw a picture, a memory, a vision of him and Asuka kissing on the night so long ago when she had proclaimed her love for him. A tear trickled from his eye. A voice in his head spoke.

"You're running away, Shinji Ikari. You're running away from her."

He screamed again and pointed the gun at Malkiah. His A.T. Field burst into life, tearing the mob away from him and burning them to ash. He pulled the trigger. He knew the gun was out of bullets, but at the time, nothing felt so right, _felt so true_, as pulling the trigger. A bullet burst from the empty chamber, a shining white prism of light that rent the air and the world itself as it tore towards Malkiah. He never even had time to scream as the bullet hit him, igniting him instantly in white fire. For a fraction of a second, his hood fell back, and Shinji saw something indescribable, a hideous beast of darkness that writhed in agony. Malkiah shrieked once in hate and exploded. White light filled Shinji, and he was consumed.

Asuka's A.T. Field collapsed, ant the Eva's hand punched through, moving to crush her like a bug. She closed her eyes, wanting her last thoughts to be of her Mama, and of Shinji. The hand stopped, the grasping fingers inches from her body. Slowly, she opened her eyes. Then a smile crossed her face. The Evangelion had stopped dead, the bright eyes now lifeless. She kicked the outstretched hand, and turned away, laughing in contempt.

The darkness again. Shinji was swimming in it. It pervaded his entire body, and he felt it consume him. Then the light, brightening, and his mother was before him once more.

"You have done well, Shinji," she said, smiling.

"But…mother, what did I do?"

She sighed, and turned from him, the smile fading from her face.

"You know of Instrumentality, Shinji?"

He nodded.

"What SEELE did not realize was the very nature of making humans the 'perfect vessel', so to speak. A perfect vessel must be without flaws, and humanity has many. Third Impact tried to remove the flaws, to make humans perfection, and in doing so created something akin to a god."

"Malkiah."

She nodded, wearily.

"Malkiah was formed from humanity's weaknesses, their greed and hatred and lust and cruelty. But by the very nature of his being, he divided the world into thousands of different realities, each one a result of what might have occurred after Instrumentality."

"Then how-"  
"Could you kill a god? Primarily, because Malkiah was not truly a god. He was a manifestation of humanity's flaws given form by the LCL. You see, when the world was split, there was still only one true reality. You and Asuka were of that reality, and thus you could react in ways previously unattainable with Malkiah, or his pet, the Evangelion. That is why you could summon an A.T. Field."

"Then how was I able to shoot him?"

"I do not know."

He stared at her.  
"Maybe it was destiny, Shinji. Maybe what you did was of such a cosmic importance that the heavens themselves molded themselves to fit your needs. But I do not know what happened, not truly.

Shinji shook his head.

"I…I don't understand…"

"You don't have to. Just know that you have completed your task, be it right or wrong."

"What do you mean?"  
"When Malkiah died, humanity was able to return to Earth, but only because it was no longer flawless, no longer without faults, and thus, each human was unique once more. Now, truly, A.T. Fields can push us apart once more."

Shinji's eyes widened in shock.

"I remember Malkiah saying that 'she wouldn't love me anymore.' Was he talking about Asuka?"

Yui put her hand on his shoulder.

"He was, Shinji. Asuka is back to the way she was before. You are not changed merely because at the time of his death, you were dead as well."

A tear trickled down Shinji's cheek.

"So…"  
"That is not for me to know. You must find out on your own."

He nodded, tears spilling freely now. She brushed them away, gently.

"She had not forgotten, Shinji. You must not give up. She is the way she was before, but she still loves you. Now, Shinji…it is time for you to return."

He lowered his head. She gently brought one hand across his cheek, caressing it.

"Goodbye, Shinji. I will not be seeing you again."

Then the world faded into nothingness.

Shinji woke up. He was laying on the green hillside on which he had seen the city so many times. Before him was the shattered ruins of Tokyo-3. Beside him, sobbing on a bench, was Asuka. Unsteadily, he got to his feet. Upon seeing Asuka, he began to run, tears falling from his eyes. She saw him coming and got to her feet, wiping away her tears.

"Asuka!" he cried, and hugged her. He was rocked a second later as she slapped him hard across the face.

"Baka Hentai!" she screamed. "Don't try to touch me!"

He stood there for a moment, dazed, then grabbed her again in a hug. She struggled to get free, screaming obscenities at him.

"Let me go, you perverted bastard!"

"No, Asuka. Don't you remember anything?"

"Yes, and I regret it!"

He reacted as if struck.

"You regret it?"

She smirked, pressing her victory.

"Every minute of it."

He smiled crookedly.

"Even this?"

Then he kissed her on the lips. For a second, she moved to shove him away, then, slowly, she gave in to this kiss. He pulled away, his face worried. It hurt Asuka to see the look on his face.

"I…love you, Asuka. Please don't tell me you regret that."

She lowered her head, her face clouded in indecision and doubt. She could remember…could remember that he had made her happy, once. Could she be happy again?

"Asuka…you don't have to go back to the way you were."

She looked up at him, her face torn. Tears spilled from her eyes.

"You're…wrong…"

Then she ran.

To be concluded…

Only one book left, the Epilogue, One More Final: I Love You! Now, I'm not completely satisfied with this book, so I would really appreciate your thoughts on what I can change to make it better. Please! If you suggest it, I will probably do it. Unless of course, I get colorful suggestions like: More pussy! or: Go kill yourself, you stupid piece of shit! Those, I'm gonna ignore, but any good suggestions I will probably take. Anyway, if you like this, then please tell me.

No essay. I'd like to keep what few fans I've got. Anyway, I can't think of anything. If you e-mail me suggestions I may use them.

Send comments, criticisms, and death threats to


	5. One More Final: I Love You

I've made some huge changes to this epilogue, adding somewhere in the neighborhood of five pages to it, and overall making a fic I am very proud of. And for those who still want to know how he could afford the ring: NERV pays well. Very well.

Rage Against the Dying of the Light

Epilogue

One More Final: I Love You

__

I still don't know where to find happiness.

But I'll continue to think about whether it's good to be here…

whether it is good to have been born.

But in the end it's just realizing the obvious again.

Because I am myself.

-Shinji Ikari

Shinji ran, his breath hitching painfully in his chest.

"Asuka!" he called, "Asuka, wait!"

She gave no indication that she had heard, and continued to run. She was in better shape than he was, and he was losing ground rapidly.

"Please wait, Asuka!"

With a final, desperate burst of speed, he caught her. Unable to slow himself down, he crashed into her, and drove them both to the ground. She tumbled to her feet and tried to run again, but he grabbed her by the shoulders, holding her against him as she struggled.

"Asuka, please don't do this."

She struggled harder, screaming at him. She raised one hand and slapped him hard across the face. His head snapped back and he saw stars. For a moment, she stopped struggling, shocked at the force of her blow. Then she resumed trying to break free from his grip.

"Let me go, godammit! Let me go, you baka hentai!" she screamed into his face. He smiled at her and held firm.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked calmly.

"Because I want to!"  
"I said before that you don't have to go back to being the way you were. It is still true."

She shook her head, and the tears ran down her cheeks.

"I love you, Asuka."

"Stop saying that!" she shrieked, "Don't ever say that again!"

"But I mean it."

"No you don't! You never did!"

He grabbed her gently by the chin and lifted her face up to his. She averted her eyes, refusing to look at him. He pulled her forward and kissed her gently on the lips. She screamed against his lips and tried to shove him away, but he refused to let go. He pulled away, his eyes shining.

"I love you, Asuka. I always will."

Finally, she succeeded in shoving him away. Unsteadily, she got to her feet. She looked down at him, her face wet with tears.

"No…you don't…"

She did not run this time. Instead, she stared down at him, her entire body trembling. He slowly got to his feet and put his arms around her. She struggled against him for a moment, then slowly calmed down as he held her tighter. Her whole body shook.

"Why are you frightened, Asuka?"

She tried weakly to push him away.

"Because you're lying to me."

He shook his head vehemently.

"Never, Asuka. Not to you."

She lowered her head.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I love you."

"Godammit, Stop saying that!" she screamed at him.

"Not while it's still true."

She fell to her knees, sobbing. Her body shook with each trembling gasp for breath. He held her and she cried against him.

"You never could love me! No one could ever love me! So stop lying!"  
She shoved him violently to the ground and backed away. He looked up at her, his face anguished.

"I…guess this is it then, Asuka. At least…at least I tried…"

She stepped away hesitantly. He tried to smile, and found that it worked to some small extent.

"Go ahead, Asuka. It's always been…your choice. I guess this is…goodbye…"

She nodded, and then turned and walked away. Shinji watched her until she faded into the distance, and then he began to sob.

Asuka walked, heedless of destination. Her mind tormented her.

__

This was your last chance, and you blew it.

Screw that spineless wimp! He was lying, anyway!

__

He was not lying. He loves you.

So what? I don't love him!

__

Yes, you do. Stop lying to yourself. And stop running away.

I'm not running away!

__

Yes you are. If you leave him now, you lose him forever.

So what? I don't want him!

__

Yes you do. You want him…

No!

__

need him…

No!

__

love him…

No! No! Godammit, no!

__

Then why are you here?

She looked up, and was shocked to find herself right back where she had started. Lying on the dead grass before her was Shinji Ikari. He held his knees to his chest and sobbed, cries of anguish and loss that tore Asuka's resolve asunder. She knelt down before him, and he looked up, startled.

"Asuka?"

She smiled weakly.

"Shinji…listen…I-I'm sorry…"

He gaped at her. She put her arms around him, and he gasped in disbelief.

"I don't love you, Shinji. But…I did once, and I could again."

He began to sob again, but this time, the tears were not of anguish, of suffering. They were of joy. He hugged Asuka tight against him, sobbing her name.

And the heavens exploded.

Shinji and Asuka pulled apart in shock. The skies above them detonated into light, white power that spilled from on high. Shinji unconsciously hugged Asuka against him as the light descended to Earth. It rained across the ground, and where it fell, flowers sprang into life and the grass burst into green magnificence. Where once had been nothing but death and dust, life sprang forth anew. Birds burst into the air, filling the sky. Shinji and Asuka lay in awe of the heavenly power before them.

As quickly as it had begun, it stopped, and the sky turned blue once more. But on the wind, Shinji and Asuka could hear voices, human voices. They whispered of light and hope and of dreams fulfilled. Shinji and Asuka got to their feet, looked at each other, and began to walk. Asuka's hand moved of its own accord and grabbed Shinji's. They walked towards the ruins of Tokyo-3, and to them they were no longer ruins, no longer the discarded remnants of a dead world. A breeze sprung up, and it brought with it the smell of hope.

December 26th, 2016

The doorbell rang, and Misato sprang to her feet, knocking aside her beer.

"I'll get it!" she proclaimed loudly, and ran for the door. She opened it, smiling. Standing on the other side were Touji Suzuhara and Hikari Horaki. Hikari held a bag full of gifts. Misato smiled and bowed.

"Please come in."

They bowed back, and stepped inside. The house was fully decorated, nearly every inch covered with holiday garlands.

"Shinji! Asuka! Your friends are here!"

Two "hai's" rang out from the kitchen. A moment later, Asuka was there. She hugged Hikari warmly, then turned to Touji. He smiled and extended his hand. She took it and shook it, albeit harder than truly necessary.

"Shinji can't come right now. He's busy setting up the last of the decorations."

Hikari and Touji nodded.  
"I'll help him out!" Hikari said, smiling, and departed the hallway. Misato followed her a moment later, mumbling something about beer. Asuka and Touji locked eyes.

"I still can't believe Shinji fell for a demon like you."

"I still can't believe Hikari fell for a stooge like _you_."

The snarled at each other just as Hikari poked her head back into the hall.

"Touji, stop trying to pick a fight with Asuka and help me out here!"

He tried to come up with a retort and failed. After giving Asuka one last venomous glance, he walked into the kitchen. Asuka followed him, grimacing in distaste. She entered the kitchen, where Shinji and Hikari had their hands trying to string the last of the lights around the oversized Christmas tree. The doorbell rang again. Asuka sighed, and turned to get it. She opened the door, and standing on the other side was Koyou Fuyutski. She bowed, and he bowed back.

"It is nice to see you looking so well, Secon-Asuka."

She smiled.

"You as well, Commander Fuyutski."

Fuyutski had been given the position after Commander Gendou Ikari had failed to return from the LCL. Though the angels were gone, NERV still needed to exist in a perpetual state of self-defense, and thus, a skeleton crew was kept on hand. He stepped into the hallway and followed Asuka into the kitchen. Upon seeing him, Misato instantly stopped what she was doing and saluted rigidly. Fuyutski smiled and waved his hand.

"No need, Katsuragi. This is no longer work."  
She smiled sheepishly and turned back to her beer. The doorbell rang again. Asuka sighed wearily and went to get it.

The guests had all arrived. Fuyutski had been followed by Ritsuko and Maya, then Aoba and Hyuga, and finally Kensuke, carrying his camera. Kaji and Rei's whereabouts were unknown, and it was generally believed that they had not returned from the LCL. All the guests sat around the table, talking and drinking. Misato had wanted one final party before their little group was disbanded and sent to other divisions of NERV. Shinji sat beside Asuka with one arm around her shoulders and tried to ignore the disgusted looks he received from Touji and Kensuke. Conversation died down as Misato stood up and raised her beer can.

"I'd like to propose a toast, if I may," she said, her words slurring slightly. "To old friends we've lost and to battles we've won. It's nice to be together again after all we've been through together."

All the guests raised their glasses or cans in the toast and cheered heartily. Misato blushed and then sat back down. Gifts were distributed, passed from hand to hand. Shinji smiled and proceeded to open the box he received from Touji and Kensuke. A note fell out.

Dump the Demon!

Shinji chuckled, and opened the box. Inside were several SDAT tapes and a colorful picture of Asuka burning in hell. He chuckled again and was proceeding to open the next present when he felt Asuka's light touch on his shoulder. He turned, already knowing and dreading what she was going to say.

"You forgot to give me a gift, baka." she said softly.

"I-I well, I figured I should give it to you in private…"

A snicker from across the table. Shinji turned to see Kensuke and Touji laughing into their hands. Asuka grabbed an empty box and threw it at them. She turned to him again, confused.

"What do you mean?"

He stammered, unable to find the right words.

"Well…I-I-I thought that…"  
Misato called from the other end of the table.

"Stop running away and give it to her, Shinji!"

The entire table turned to look at him and his face turned beet red. Slowly, tentatively, he pulled from his pocket a very small black box, only big enough to hold a piece of jewelry. A piece of jewelry like a ring. Asuka felt all the blood rush out of her face.

"Shinji?" she asked, her voice small and weak.

He extended the box towards her, and she opened it slowly. Inside was a beautiful gold ring with the largest ruby she had ever seen set in the center. The whole room gasped in shock. She looked away from the ruby, shocked, to see Shinji looking at her, his face pleading. He got down on one knee, slowly. She watched as if in a dream.

"Asuka" he asked, "Will you marry me?"

The whole room gasped again. Touji and Kensuke simultaneously screamed 'No!' and Hikari hit them. Asuka looked from the ring to his face. For one horrible moment she considered saying no, but then she remembered how he had held her, how he had loved her, how he had needed her.

"I…yes."

Touji and Kensuke collapsed. Shinji grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her on the lips. Misato began to cheer, and the whole room joined in, even Fuyutski. Hikari lunged forward and grabbed her friend around the waist, crying in happiness. And somewhere, a girl with blue hair and beautiful red eyes smiled.

Shinji woke up when his door opened. He turned over just as Asuka stepped into the room. She walked over and crawled into the futon beside him.

"A…Asuka," he croaked, terrified, "Maybe we should wait until after we're married…"

She giggled.

"I'm not here for that, baka. I just wanted to sleep with you tonight. Like we did after Third Impact."

He nodded, embarrassed, and tentatively put his arms around her. She sighed in contentment, and snuggled deeper into his arms. As her warmth began to lead him into sleep, he spoke.

"Asuka, I love you."

She nodded.

"You'd better. I love you too, Shinji."

He kissed her lightly on the forehead, marveling in her beauty.

"I'm glad I'm not running away anymore," he said softly, "I'm glad you caught me."

She nodded again, already half asleep.

"And mother was right. Love is…the greatest thing man can ever have…"

And he smiled.

The void stretched out before Shinji, desolate and cold. He shivered and put his arms around himself. He was alone here, and it filled him with a fear that was primal in intensity. He whirled around and began to run, screaming for anyone to come, to help him.

And she was there.

Asuka was walking towards him, her stride full of purpose and poise. It was like seeing the old Asuka again. He ran towards her, his face breaking into a massive grin of relief.

"Asuka! I'm so glad you're here!"

He reached her and moved to embrace her, to hold her in his arms. She walked right through him as if he wasn't there. In shock, he cried out her name and tried to chase her. But he was growing...dim. His form was disappearing. On legs that seemed more liquid than solid, he stumbled, and fell to his knees. Tears spilled from his eyes to strike the cold black floor and vaporize instantly into steam, like water droplets on a griddle.

"Asuka, I love you! So please...don't leave me..."

And a hand gripped his, warm and solid.

He woke from the dream with a gasp, sweat pouring down his face. He turned to see Asuka clutching his hand tightly in hers. Her deep blue eyes stared into his own. Seeing her face brought the dream back in full force, and he opened his mouth to tell her.

"Asuka, I-"

"You talk in your sleep."

"Oh. Sorry. What did I say?"

"It doesn't really matter now. You're awake, aren't you?"

He slept the rest of the night through without nightmares.

To Asuka, the rows of graves looked barren, desolate and untouched by humanity. She shuddered, and not just from the chill wind blowing across the barren expanse of land.

She glanced at Shinji out of the corner of her eyes. His stride was purposeful, intent. He turned slightly and his eyes met hers. She smiled.

"You didn't have to bring me along."

"Yes I did." She waited for him to continue, but he seemed to be satisfied with the answer he had given. She shook her head.

His pace slowed, then came to a stop. Shinji's hands tightened around the bouquet of flowers he carried.

The grave before them bore a single name etched into the stone with mechanical precision.

The name was Yui Ikari.

__

I'm here, mother. And I've brought Asuka with me.

If the grave had heard his thoughts, it gave no sign. Shinji kneeled, then placed the bouquet gently at the foot of the grave. He got to his feet and turned around.

The first thing he noticed was Asuka, smiling at him with a benevolent kindness that he never would have believed she possessed when he first met her.

The second was Kaji.

If Asuka hadn't been so startled by it, she would have laughed out loud at his double take. Instead, she simply turned around, and did a double take of her own.

Kaji looked like he had been through several train wrecks in a row, then a couple plane crashes for good measure. His clothes hung in rags, and his hair was tousled and full of twigs and grass. His seemingly permanent stubble had become a full grown beard. He smiled. It was the same roguish smile that they had seen in their dreams for so many nights.

That clinched it for Asuka. With a cry of joy, she sprang into Kaji's arms.

"Kaji!"

He winced at the sudden impact, stumbled, then fell backwards, Asuka still clutching him in a death grip.

"It's…um, nice to see you, too." He said when he regained his breath.

Shinji stood there, unable to say anything. In fact, he didn't know what he would say even if he could, so it pretty much evened out.

Kaji grinned at him.

"I knew we would meet again, Shinji Ikari. Life seems to be so much more boring without you."

"Wh…where were you? Why didn't you come back with the others?"

Kaji smiled again, but this time his smile seemed…forced.

"I was…meditating."

Shinji simply looked at him, and he continued.

"After you destroyed Malkiah, I was given a choice of whether or not to return from the LCL. It was a difficult decision, but I decided to return. I returned in the woods far outside of Tokyo-3, and instead of coming back right away, I decided to spend time by myself; mediating on whether I should truly come back to Tokyo-3, come back to Misato and all of you. I was trying to find an answer…about myself. My purpose here."

"Did you find it?"

Kaji grinned again, and this time, it was genuine.

"Nope."

Misato Katsuragi was not the most dignified person at the best of times. Finding out the man she loved had come back from the dead was not exactly one of those times. She leapt into his arms, knocking him on his ass for the second time that day. Then her mouth met his in a kiss that made Shinji and Asuka blush, and look away for a moment.

And another.

And another.

"Wanna go get some tea, Shinji?" Asuka asked, beginning to feel very, very awkward.

He was already gone.

"Baka!" she screamed, and ran into the kitchen after him

Misato and Kaji stopped kissing for a moment, and looked at each other.

"You were going to tell me something?" She looked at him expectantly.

"Oh yeah, that. I love you. Now, you were showing me something?"

She was perfectly happy to continue the demonstration.

The glittering stars shone overhead, making the night glow with an ethereal light. Shinji and Asuka sat together, holding hands. They simply looked up at the beauty before them. Kaji and Misato sat together as well, the sanctity of the moment making them cease kissing, if only for a moment. Shinji broke the silence first, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I wonder…if we were right."

Asuka cocked an eyebrow at him curiously.

"Right?"

"About everything. About rejecting Instrumentality, about continuing like this."

Behind them, Kaji laughed softly.

"Shinji, I've been asking myself that question since I first returned to this world. I don't know…if we were right, if this is what should have been…and I don't think it matters. Life isn't always about right or wrong. Sometimes, it's just about the choices we make. The choices we live with."

"And you believe that?"

"I have to. For my peace of mind."

"Oh. But-"

"You talk too much," Asuka said, then covered his mouth in hers. Kaji and Misato both burst out laughing, then followed suit.

__

Sometimes life is just about the choices we make. The choices we live with.

I can believe that.

Shinji closed his eyes into the bliss of Asuka's kiss. A tear rolled down his cheek.

Above them, all eternity shone down, bathing them in its brilliance.

__

I can believe that. And I can believe something else.

I can make my own choices now.

Thus Ends Rage Against The Dying of the Light

*Cue Pachelbel's Canon

Buddha, I love that song. Easily my favorite song ever.

Well, I've made a lot of changes, and I'm much prouder of this Epilogue than the last one. It's longer, and the WAFF is slightly tempered by….umm, more WAFF. I think I asked questions that can never be answered, and left them as such. And, about my earlier resolution that I would never write again, that kinda went down the toilet. I've got a Cowboy Bebop and a FFVII fic out, named And Death Will Have No Dominion and All Heaven in the Midnight of the Sun, respectively. If I ever write again in the Eva continuity, I think it will be more short WAFF fics that stay in the universe I created with Rage Against the Dying of the Light. But you never know. That's the problem.

Interesting little note for anyone who actually gives a shit: I came up with this as I went along. In other words, when I finished Book One, I fully intended on having the Evangelion stay the main bad guy. Then Malkiah came to me, and I wrote Book Two and Book Three. Then a fun little fellow named bucky ball came along and told me in no uncertain terms that my story sucked. Well, there was little I could do about that, but his fun-filled review made me realize something: I had no idea how to end my story. So I came up with the whole reason for Malkiah on the spur of the moment and luckily, most of you liked it. My boring and pointless story is finished now. You can leave now, possibly cursing my name.

Send all comments, criticisms, and whatever the hell else you feel like to


End file.
